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Sexual abuse of
children is a grim fact of life in our society. It is more common than most
people realize. Some surveys say that at least 1 out of 5 women and 1 out of 10
men recall sexual abuse in childhood. What Is Child Sexual Abuse? Sexual Abuse
Definition: Sexual exploitation of a child, including
rape, incest, fondling, exhibitionism, or pornography It is any sexual act
with a child that is performed by an adult or an older child. Such acts include
fondling the child's genitals, getting the child to fondle an adult's genitals,
mouth to genital contact, rubbing an adult's genitals on the child, or actually
penetrating the child's vagina or anus. There is no such
thing as “only fondled”. He fondled her genitals and that, in itself, is a
crime. He may, in fact, not have touched her at all, confining his sexual
advances to lewd and suggestive remarks, and this can be devastating too. If a
child has been subjected to years of painful intercourse then she has been more
traumatized than someone who has been fondled a few times. In both cases,
however, the emotional scars run deep. Other, often
overlooked, forms of abuse occur. These include an adult showing his or her
genitals to a child, showing the child obscene pictures or videotapes, or using
the child to make obscene materials. What Can Parents Do to Prevent Sexual Abuse? Tell someone in
authority if you suspect that your child or some else's child is being abused. No man stands as tall as he who bends to
help a child. ~Robert Wagner Prevention
measures to safeguard your children should begin early, since a number of child abuse cases involve
preschoolers. The following guidelines offer age-appropriate topics to
discuss with your children: Stay alert to sexual
abuse and teach your children what it is. Tell them they can and should say NO!
or STOP! to adults who threaten them sexually. Make sure your children know
that it's OK to tell you about any attempt to molest them - no matter who
the offender is. 18 months - Teach your child the proper
(accurate) names for body parts. Diapering, potty time, and bathing are good
times for this to occur naturally. Know with whom your child is spending time.
Be careful about letting your child spend time in out-of-the-way
places with other adults or older children. Plan to visit your child's
caregiver without notice. Teach your child about the privacy of body parts,
from the time they're toddlers, to respect their own and others' privacy (but
maintain constant vigilance to ensure their safety). Teach them to feel good
about themselves, their bodies, and their future - to have self-confidence,
self-respect, and self-worth. Teach them to express their feelings
in words from early preschool age, and LISTEN to what they say. Don't stop just
because they grown into teens.
3-5 years - Teach your child about private parts
of the body and how to say no to sexual advances. Talk to your child about
sexual abuse. Teach them specifically (children don't generalize; they are
literal-minded) that no one may touch their "bathing suit"
areas unless you are present or have given permission for a specific situation
such as a doctor's visit, and that they are not to look at or touch anyone
else's unclothed bodies without your permission. Teach them to say
"NO!" forcefully and loudly if someone tries to get them to do
something that you have taught them is wrong or that they believe is wrong, and
to get help if the person persists. Give straight forward answers about sex.
Teach them that the human body is beautiful and has inherent dignity.
Children's books for this purpose or artistic paintings and sculpture can help
convey this so that kids don't have to look at "dirty" pictures or
experiment with playmates to satisfy their natural curiosity. Teach them that
they can ALWAYS come to you if they feel uncomfortable in any situation and
that you will help them. Remind them especially when they are away from home.
Listen when your child tries to tell you something, especially when it seems
hard for her to talk about it. 5-8 years - Discuss safety away from home and
the difference between good touch and bad touch. Encourage your child to talk
about scary experiences. Give your child enough of your time so that the child
will not seek attention from other adults. 8-12 years - Stress personal safety. Start to
discuss rules of sexual conduct that are accepted by the family. 13-18 years - Stress personal safety. Discuss
rape, date rape, sexually transmitted diseases, and unintended
pregnancy. Could My Child Be Sexually Abused? By Whom? Boys and girls are
most often abused by adults or older children whom they know and who can
control them. The offender is known by the victim in 8 out of 10 reported
cases. The offender is often an authority figure whom the child trusts or
loves. Almost always the child is convinced to engage in sex by means of persuasion, bribes, or threats. We must never give in to those who would harm our children. We must provide every assurance of safety and
love ... and we must not forget. ~ N. Faulkner How Would I Know if My Child Is Being
Sexually Abused? Children who are
being abused often have been convinced by the abuser that they must not tell
anyone about it. A child's first statements about abuse may be sketchy and
incomplete. He may only hint about the problem. Some abused children
may tell friends about the abuse. A child who is told about or sees abuse in
another child may tell an adult. Parents need to
be aware of behavioral changes that may signal this problem. The following
symptoms may suggest sexual abuse: *exceptional fear of
a person or certain places *an uncalled-for
response from a child when the child is asked if he has been touched by someone
*unreasonable fear
of a physical exam *drawings that are
scary or use a lot of black and red *abrupt change in
conduct of any sort *sudden awareness of
genitals and sexual acts and words *attempts to get
other children to perform sexual acts If My Child Reveals Sexual Abuse, What Should
I Do? Above all, take it
seriously, but stay calm. Many children who report abuse are not believed. When
a child's plea is ignored, she may not risk telling again. As a result, the
child could be victimized for months or years. Millions of children have had
their lives torn apart by ongoing sexual abuse. Make sure you help
your child understand that the abuse is not his or her fault. Give lots of love
and comfort. If you are angry, don't let your child see it - you do not
want the child to think the anger is aimed at her. Let the child know how brave
she was to tell you. This is the most important if the child has been abused by
a close relative or family friend. Then, tell someone yourself. Get help. Talk
to your child's doctor, a counselor, a policeman, a child protective service
worker, or a teacher. 1. Believe your
child and affirm them for telling you; stay calm and supportive. 2. Seek
professional help immediately for your child and your family. (Start with
your pediatrician, child protective services, and a counselor trained in
treating sexual abuse.) 3. Reassure your
child that it wasn't their fault and that they did the best they could at
the time. 4. Expect the
consequences to be painful and for the pain to recur later on at different
times. Don't expect it to all be over and done with and put behind
everyone. It takes time to heal and is an ongoing process for everyone in the
family. 5. Let your child
talk about it at their own pace. Don't push them or try to shush them. 6. Expect your child
to recant when the going gets rough. Encourage them to tell the truth for the
good of all concerned, but understand that they may try to "erase"
the whole experience. 7. As strongly as
possible, let your child know that it's the adults' job to protect children
and that you and God love them no matter what! Can I Deal with Sexual Abuse in My Family
without Contacting the Authorities? It is difficult for
parents to stop sexual abuse without help from experts. The hard but healthy
way to deal with the problem is: 1.Face the issue. 2.Take charge of the
situation. 3.Work to avoid
future abuse. 4.Discuss it with
your pediatrician, who can provide support and counselling. 5.Report abuse to
your local child protection service agency and ask about crisis support help. Talking about sexual
abuse can be very hard for the child who has been told not to tell by a trusted
adult. It can be just as hard for adults if the abuser is close to them. Still,
the abuse should be reported to your local child protection agency or your
doctor. It is the best thing to do for both the child and the family. A Message from
Monica Cone, representitive of Child Protect: There appears to be little out there on infant abuse. In
"Assessing Allegations of Sexual Abuse in Preschool Children" by
Sandra Hewitt. It says is that the only possible detection of sexual abuse in
infants is through physical/medical evidence or witness testimony. Both of these are difficult to corroborate
due to infants' lack of verbal communication skills. Sometimes, children may
later put into words a memory from early life, but not customarily. Painful events can resurface at different stages in a child's life,
such as fearfulness, behavioral problems, insecurity, etc. I would do my best not to LOOK FOR these
things, or you will find them. Kids may
exhibit these behaviors just because they are kids or due to their personality
style, or because of something else going on with them. The important thing is...abused or not, children are not warped for
life because of a traumatic incident.
It is true that they are far more resilient than adults. Being a strong
support system for your child--especially in the area of communication
from the moment they can do so, will be very therapeutic and reassuring to
them. Listening, I have found, is often
better than any technique that can be used. If your child is under loving and consistent care, then most likely
they will have a secure attachment, feel safe to explore the world around them,
and reflect the love they have been shown. I'm not sure that you can intuitively know that a caretaker or anyone
else would hurt your child. Know that
perpetrators capitalize on winning the trust of adults before gaining
opportunities to be alone with your children.
Most perpetrators. are people related to you or a trusted
acquaintance. It is perfectly normal to
leave your child with a babysitter, relative, or known person. Only GOD can know the true intention of a
person's heart. Perpetrators are the
only ones ultimately who can stop sexual crimes, because they make free-will
choices to do this. We as parents are not psychic, and most likely would have
NEVER left our child with the person if we had an inkling they might abuse
them. Warning signs, to me, include any abnormal/abrupt change in behavior in
a child that cannot be attributed to something else going on. Excessive crying, overly clingy to the point
of panic if you are not in their sight (children will go thru this stage
normally for a short time in late infancy).
Other things might be a child becoming upset when informed he will be
spending time with a particular person (often parents overlook this). If a child says they do not like an adult
person, than I would NOT force them to interact with or be alone with him/her.
Really listening to your child and taking their feelings as seriously as an
adult's is a key to early intervention.
Sexual acting out is a concern.
A child who publically touches himself (frequently) after being
corrected may have received some type of exposure to sexual behaviors. I would only consider that if the child has
other behavioral changes as well. Self-exploration
is normal in kids. Abused children often act out sexually explicit behaviors on
other kids or seem obsessed with stimulating their genitals (almost as if they
are in a trance). Asking honest
questions like, "Where did you learn to do that?"
(without panicking) helps. I warn
parents not to question their children for details or ask, "Has somebody
messed with/touched you?". Ask open-ended questions like, "What
do you and Uncle Joe play in the bath tub?". Notify Human Resources or law enforcement if suspicious. Trust your instincts, but starve paranoia to death. Paranoia can make a child anxious, insecure,
and fearful about life and will really cut in on his enjoyment. For me, faith in GOD comes in here, giving
the precious one over to HIM and trusting HIM to be a better parent than you or
I can be. Resources The following web sites and organizations are
where I gained my materials Panora’s Box: http://www.prevent-abuse-now.com/ Day of the Child http://www.dayofthechild.org/dc98/orgindex.htm Still Waters Run
Deep http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/7130/ Bearing Through
It http://www.bearingthroughit.org National
Children's Advocacy (256) 533-0531. Director: Connie
Carnes, 200 West Side Square, Ste 700, Huntsville, AL 35801 National
Committee for prevention of Child Abuse, P.O. Box 2866, Chicago, IL 60690. Helene Hubbard, “Empower
Your Child To Repel Sexual Abuse”, Women of Spirit Magazine. Helene
is a professor of pediatrics in Florida. |