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38) Lil,i 
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Send E-mail

I am a survivor of incest by an uncle, my only brother, and most severely by my father. I started being abused when I was 1 or 2 years old, until age 13. I can't describe how the abuse has affected my life, it's just too much and excruciatingly painful. I live to survive up to this day. I have not known healthy relationships with men. I am scared and don't feel attractive nor romantic for a relationship with a man right now. Part of me wants one but I am just not ready now. I am still dealing with the memories and the pain. I find this process to be torture, just like the abuse was. I suffer from such depression, it's unreal, it's just beyong people's imagination if they haven't been abused as severely as I was. I am in therapy and go to a support group and both are helpful but not a cure, which is what I want when I am experiencing almost intolerable painful feelings. I have no idea what makes parents and relatives hurt their own the way mine hurt me, but I know they are sick #$%#$% people. I experience such painful feelings of abandonment, it comforts me to read messages from people who are going through similar experiences. I hope to God all survivors of abuse get to know peace and resolution. CLH

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