Thursday, 11 June 2009 01:00
This message is to Larry. I tried to send a message to the email you posted, but it didn't go through. Hopefully you will find the message here:
My heart goes out to you. Living with abuse and incest can be paralyzing. There are so many people out there that are feeling without hope, without light.
I want you to know that you are not alone. There are so many who have been where you are, and they have made it from surviving to thriving!
Things that helped me, and that I know have helped others:
join a group. I know that there are male survivors/thrivers out there. you are more than welcome to join the BTI group. The activity level has gone down, but I know people check in to see if anyone is there to talk to. I also think I have a link to a website for male abuse survivors. It is something that would probably be helpful...if not just to link up with others that have walked through that pain.
reach out to others. One thing that really helped me was reaching out to those who needed help. It wasn't necessarily within the abuse circle that I reached out...but others that struggled with different issues. I know one place I found myself was on a website for a little girl who had cancer. I guess in reading her story, her struggle and journey, I was able to appreciate the fact that I had 'life'...and appreciate the joy that surrounded me every day (yet too often I couldn't see it because of the darkness surrounding me) The little girl really helped me to embrace joy...because she was embracing joy...despite the fact that she had pain and an unknown future.
Another thing that I did that helped me, I would write down 5 'gratitudes' every day. They could never be the same, and I made the commitment to do them every day. This helped shift my focus into positive things that were in my life in the 'here and now'. I had a friend that I exchanged these with...which was essential...it held me accountable, and she would send 5 to me also...which was nice to see what she had come up with. There were days where it was a struggle to come up with 1, let alone 5, but other days I couldn't stop at 5. The important thing was not repeating the same ones...ever :)
The last thing that helped me was to find good books. There are a lot of good books on healing out there. I personally made myself work through the Courage to Heal book. I made a commitment to do the 'activities' at the end of the chapters before moving on to the next chapter. It took me quite awhile to get through the book (because I was 'unwillinhg' to do the exercises at times...but finally did them to move on to the next chapter). It really made a difference. I am sure that there are books for male survivors, but I do think that The Courage to Heal would be of some help to you. I have other books listed on my resources page...feel free to look over the list.
I hope that this helps in some way. I also hope that you won't ever give up, but that you will find joy and light...and that you will go from surviving to thriving. I know you will!