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49) Christina 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Well i really like this site,it helps.Iwas raped for 5 years on a daily basis and im doing good.God has grown in me to get thrught this.If anyone needs to talk just e-mail me!
48) Sharon 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Victims not Destined to be Abusers Thank you for this. I didn't realize until I read it that other people had this fear. I am writing a book (for me) and this is something that is in it. While I was growing up I too had heard that abused children will be abusers. When I had my first born I tried to avoid touching his little #@*%!. About a month into my new motherhood I realized that it held no interest to me other then it was as cute as the rest of his little body. I washed him, changed him, and never felt attracted in anyway. It is a choice to sexually abuse our children. I didn't know how to be the perfect mom, but knew I didn't want to be as vile to my child as my father had been to me. He is now 22, my daughter is 18, and my littlest pride and joy is 5. I am proud to say they will never know the betrayal that I knew. We need to talk about these things to help our young abused victims understand that they have the power to rise above the old school of thinking. You are not doomed to a life sentence of the abuse cycle because you were abused. You have the power to say no, and chances are you won't have to be prompted. You will say it on your own. Good job Terra I would love to link to you. You have very helpful, and insightful stuff here.
47) Anonymous 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment

Ty,Since you mentioned my name in your grats, it's only fair that I sign your guestbook. God meant for me to find you...there were too many coincidences for me to believe otherwise. May he continue to smile on you and your efforts to help others. Thank you for your trust. I won't give you reason to doubt the safety of that gift. Safe Hugs,Kevin
46) Terrie Floyd 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I found this site quite by accident, while doing a web research paper on child sexual abuse for a Psych class. You have some awsome info on here. I too am an incest survivor and your story feels all to familiar. Keep up the good work.Thanks--Terrie
45) Kate Evans 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I found this site on a bad day. Thanks for your willingness to be so open with your heart. Your scrapbook was comforting.
44) Katharynne 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I wish I could understand who I am and what I've been through this clearly. I can only guess and assume, but those feelings that seem so claer to you hide from me. I know I want to survive, but in surviving I must admit that I was abused. That I lived through incest, that I had intercourse with my father. I have to believe that happened, and that is a mjor step right now. I hope some day to be able to cry, to have someone like Todd to guide me through. Until then I sit and lament about the child I lost.
43) Elizabeth Nagle 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I am an incest victim and have know about this for almost15 to 20 years. What I do not remember is the actual event.I have about 1 year missing from my memory.What is hard todeal with is the failure of my family to validate what didhappen to me. No one will help me, I was not the only onein my family to deal with this,but not one of my siblingsnor my parents (who are both dead now)ever talked to me about this. I was considered a liar,difficult,high strunga trouble maker,the black sheep. When I went thru the checklist I found an explaination of certain behaviors that I havestruggled with for more years than I can describe. I am madthat I was not taken serious, or that no one loved me enoughto tell me.I am 48 years old and can not understand this. I amin a loving relationship now, and yet I know some day it willdisappear, if he knew what runs thru my head at times hewould run for the hills. Or at least that is what I tell myself.I hate the small voice that creeps into my head, sayinghorrible things.I do block out the voice,and have never actedon some of the thoughts, but I do beat myself up for justhaving them. Thank you for your information.
42) Karen 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Terra,such a wonderful site you have here.. I haven't had the time to read it all.. but thank you for being you..Karen
41) jenny 
Location:
Country: CA
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Dear Ty, Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I just turned 19, and have started to have flashbacks about what my father did to me. I know the abuse occured for at least 2 years, starting when I was four. He sexually abused me, and told me that my mother would be mad at me if I told her, and she would leave me and take my sister with her. I couldn't bear this thought, so I didn't tell her. Luckily, by the time I was 6, she divorced my dad. However she had some chemical inbalances, and I suffered physical abuse regularly at her hands for a few years until she got on the right medication. So my early years were full of fear, then I started to sort out my life and my problems when I was 15, and for the next two years, I was finally able to get my life in order. Then I was brought crashing back down with the tragic death of my best friend and confidante, my big sister. So now, a year and a half later, I am struggling my way back to the top. It is a really long, slippery path, but I have the will to do it. Occasionally, though, I sink into a depression about the loss of my innocence, the loss of the carefree childhood that everyone should have a right to. I would love to hear from anyone out there who has a response to my story or has one of their own. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and for caring.Jenny
40) Jacqui 
Location:
Country: UK
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Thank you for sharing your story, I haven't read everything on this site, but I have added it to my favorites so I can visit again. I am also a survivour, I'm 35 and in my twelth your of healing. My journey has been difficult but the light has begun to filtering through more and more with each step I have taken.I wish you well on your journey, safe hugsJacqui xxx
39) jim 
Location:
Country: NZ
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Well Terra what more can I say. Most of the abuse I have read about on these pages are about men abusing women. I was abused by my mother and I am a male, I love my mother very much but she did some shocking things to me. She even loaned me to her male friends for sex. I have memories of her maturbating me from the very begining. She would even use a double ended dildo on me. I was 8 when I was first raped by her so called friends. I didnt know what they were doing to me, no one ever said that people do things like this to boys. Sorry to be so negitive, but I think that more boys are abused than, the statistics say. It has taken a few years to stop my suicidal feelings, and most of the men who raped me are dead now. But I still have nightmares about the rapes and the pain. I am slowly getting over it. Thanks for the chance to reveal the secrets.
38) Lil,i 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I am a survivor of incest by an uncle, my only brother, and most severely by my father. I started being abused when I was 1 or 2 years old, until age 13. I can't describe how the abuse has affected my life, it's just too much and excruciatingly painful. I live to survive up to this day. I have not known healthy relationships with men. I am scared and don't feel attractive nor romantic for a relationship with a man right now. Part of me wants one but I am just not ready now. I am still dealing with the memories and the pain. I find this process to be torture, just like the abuse was. I suffer from such depression, it's unreal, it's just beyong people's imagination if they haven't been abused as severely as I was. I am in therapy and go to a support group and both are helpful but not a cure, which is what I want when I am experiencing almost intolerable painful feelings. I have no idea what makes parents and relatives hurt their own the way mine hurt me, but I know they are sick #$%#$% people. I experience such painful feelings of abandonment, it comforts me to read messages from people who are going through similar experiences. I hope to God all survivors of abuse get to know peace and resolution. CLH
37) alice 
Location:
Country: UK
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

Thankyou for this site, i found it completely by accedent on not such a good day. i respect you all for being so openly honest and want you to know that you are not alone, my thoughs and prayers are with you always. alice-x
36) william 
Location:
Country: NZ
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I am another male who has been raped by an uncle, scoutmaster and a teacher, or swimming coach. I wondered if there was some thing wrong with me. My younger brother never got raped or even molested.I was about 9 when I was at the beach and this man came up to me and sat down beside me. I had seen him around and he said that he was a friend of my folks. Well all of a suddon he started to stroke my upper thigh and between my legs. I just froze up. I felt my face go red. I seemed helpless, I had trouble breathing, he got me up and took me into the sand hills. He stripped me and put his mouth on my person and his finger between my legs. I was shocked. He left me naked. When I could breath and move I quickly got dressed. He did this several more times. He lived near by and lead me home to his place. I knew his youngest son, and he just looked at me and shrugged his shoulders as if he was saying sorry. His dad took me inside and to a room, where there were several other men, where i was raped by all 4 of them several times. they made me suck their things and do some other things. They took my swimming costume, and gave me a skimpy lime green replacement and put it on me. Then they threatened to kill my baby brother, if i said any thing. The boys father lead me back down the beach and left me there. I couldnt breath properly, I couldnt sit very well. I decided to kill myself. i walked way out into the sea, but it was too cold so I returned to my towel. I couldnt ride my bike home. I had to push it home. I let the tyres down, I didnt want any one to know what had happened. my mother had told me if any one should touch me I was to kick them between the legs. But she never said where they might touch me. I was a very confused kid. I lead a very secretive life after that. I had almost forgotten about it all, about at year later my pop got me a job mowing an oldmans lawn. He was paying me too much money for the job. I told my mum about it and she said that he was a kind oldman. He was a bit more than that, he used to leave lot of bank notes around and I took one and put it in my shoe. I finished mowing all of the lawns and went in to put the lawn mower away and he confronted me about the missing money. I denied it. he grabbed me and stripped me and searched all of my clothing and pockets. He found the money. He made me bend over his knee for a spanking. I knew that I was due for it, so I complied. But while he was spanking me he played with my private parts and used his fingers in me. i just froze up again. he lead me into the house and put me up against the kitchen table. Where he penertrated me.While he was doing it he showed me some photos of my self with things between my legs, that the first men had taken. I was trapped in a group of them. They did things to me for ten years. In the end It didnt seem to be me they were doing it too. some times there were other boys. they made us to things to each other and together. I tried telling my mother, but she seemed so busy all of the time. I was one of 4 kids.when my dad told me about the birds and the bees, I tried to tell him. But he got mad and said that no one does those things. So I am a lonely guy. I have never married. I find it very hard to chat to women. I copy other mens ways to try and be one of the team. I am very shy when getting changed at work. When my doctor examines me, I get erect and I have trouble breathing. I get so imbarressed. These men have wrecked my life. I moved away from the area when I turned 18 and I changed my fisrt name to william, instead of billy. I was as if it was another time another place. I started to enjoy swimming again and to make friends and when i went to a championship one day. I met the swimming coach again in the changing rooms. I froze he ran his hand between my legs and i wet myself.That was two years ago. I havent been swimming since.
35) Anonymous 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment

Last week I decided to stop counselling and die. I am convinced I am a crazy person who is fantasising about things that just couldn't have happened. 'I am not crazy, I am healing'!! Thank you for that. The information on flashbacks jumped out from the page to me. Now I know what it is. Some bloody healing process. Which is worse I wonder, the healing or what happened?? I don't really want to die, I just want the pain to go away. I am terrified. I rang my counsellor today and am waiting for him to ring me back. That will hold me for today. Please think of me as I struggle to stay alive. I will think of you and this site. Today you have given me comfort. Thank you.
34) Keri 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I was raped by my uncle when I was 7 or 8 years old. I repressed it till about 3 months ago. He has also either molested or raped my aunt, and 2 of my cousins. I'm having trouble with it because he lives in my town. I just started to activly heal. Thanks Terra for the great website.
33) Rose 
Location:
Country: UK
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I was abused by 4 different men from the ages of 5 to 13. I was kidding myself that i was dealing with it, because i'm not and havnt been. Coming here and reading these stories always makes me sad to know others feel the same. I have my own site for survivors of abuse and bullying and that is one thing which helps me, it is a great thing to have and i would recommend it to anyone who feels it would help them.
32) matt 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Saturday, 10 January 2004 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

this is my first day on this site, but i have already found a lot of helpful stuff.i'm slowly finding that its ok for a man to cry.....i think. anyway, just wanted to say thanks for being here.
31) Anonymous 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 29 May 1997 01:00 Write a comment

IH I WAS 14 YEARS OLD WHEN MY DAD HAD SEX WITH ME, IT STOPED WHEN I WAS 21 .CAUSE I GOT MARRRIED , THEN HE TRY AFTER A MONTH , AND I SAID NO CAUSE I LOVE MY HUSBAND.WELL I KEPT THIS TO MYSELF UNTIL 6 YEARS AGO .I STARTED THEAPY 4 YEARS AGO AND EVER NOW AND THEN NOW. WELL TO MAKE IT SHORT MY MOTHER KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON ALL THOSE YEARS CAUSE I CAN RECALL CERTAIN THINGS THEN . WELL ,I TOLD MY BABY SISTER ABOUT IT AND THEN SHE CONFRONTED DAD IN FRONT OF MY MOM , AND DAD TOLD THEM HE WOUIDED DO THAT TO ONE OF HIS CHILDREN.SO DAD WENT WHERE I WORKED AT TO FIND ME ,WELL SOME, SO MY SISTER CALL ME AND ASKED ME IF I HEARD FROM DAD I SAID KNOW . WELL I HANG UP SOME REASON I KNEWW WHY HE WAS LOOKING FOR ME AND MY HUSBAND WORRY ABOUT ME CAUSE HE WENT TO MY HOUSE LOOKING FOR ME AND HE WAS UPSET . WELL IT QUITE DOWN . THEN ABOUT 2YEARS LATER AFTER THIS HAPPEN MY MIDDLE SISTER AND I WAS RIDING AROUND .AND I TOLD HER SO ABOUT ONE HOUR LATER SHE ASKED DADDY THE SAME THING . HE CAME OUT AND TOLD THE TRUTH AND SAID HE DID IT . AND TOLD ME THAT HE WAS WRONG AND HE WAS SORRY . AND HIS FATHER DID IT TO HE AND HIS BROTHER AND TOLD ME NOT TELL .BUT I FELT THAT ALL OF THIS WAS DONE.THEN MY DADDY ,DAD DID IT TO HIS DAUGTHER SO IT A THING IN THE FAMILY. WELL DAD TALKED TO ME ALONG, SO NOT IN FRONT OF SISTERS OR MOM , SO FELT ITS STILL A SECRET IN MIND. WHY I DONT UNDERSTAND IT? AND YET I STILL HANG AROUD THEM AND TALK TO MOM AND DAD . BUT THEY WANT COME SEE ME OR CALL ON PHONE .THEY LIVE 1HOUR AND 35 MINS. AWAY . BUT THEY HAVE COME IN TOWN WHERE I LIVE BUT DONT COME AT TIMES SO WHEN I SEE THEM I GO OVER THERE OR CALLON PHONE ITS LONG DISTANT FOR ME . NOT EVER MY MIDDLE SIS. WANT CALL . BUT MY LITTLE SIS.CALLS ME ALL THE TIME AND IT MAKES FEEL GOOD. BUT AGAIN MY MIDDLE SIS. GOT MAD AT ME WHEN ALL THIS CAME OUTANDI WASTALKING TO HER ABOUT IT SHE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN I TOLD HER IT WAS THAT EASY SHE SAID I WAS A BITCH, AND HANG UP . SHE NEVER SAID SORRY ABOUT IT BUT WE TALK WHEN I GO THERE OVER ON HOILDAYS LIKE IT WAS NEVER SAID .AT MY MOM AND DAD HOUSE . BUT SEE THERE STILL ALOT MY MOM AND SISTERS DONT KNOW . AND BEST NOT SAID, I STILL FEEL STRANGE OR CLOSED OFF FROM THREM.WHY?
30) Connie Golding 
Location:
Country: US
IP logged Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; MSNIA; Windows 98; Win 9x 4.90)
Thursday, 31 July 2003 01:00 Write a comment Send E-mail

I found this site very helpful for myself and for my consumers. Keep up the good work!
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