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when the past is drudged up (Read 5492 times)
Ty
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when the past is drudged up
Aug 18th, 2009 at 1:35am
 
I just had to share something that happened today...one of the only places I can share...

I was working on looking into Tshirts for Simon and when I went to my email I had a message from Ruth...
Apparently Rick and his 3rd wife are taking in a high school foreign exchange student (female). She wanted to know if I would call and speak with the school to let them know that it was not a safe place for this girl to be.
Needless to say...I spent pretty much the last half of the day talking to Ruth about the situation, our situation, and the past...and then talking to a pastor at Rick's church, and then late tonight speaking with the person who works with the placement of the students.
It is still so hard to go back to those dark places...having to 'remember' what happened...and dealing with all the feelings associated with the evil...

I'm not sure what the next few days are going to bring...if I will be talking more with people about why it's not a good thing for a female high school student to stay in that house...but if it is what I need to do to ensure the safety of another person...I'll do it in a heartbeat.

Why is it that the right thing to do is often the hardest....?

....I hope I made some sort of sense....

Ty
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Ty
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #1 - Aug 26th, 2009 at 9:43am
 
I did a lot of insightful searching...and these are the thoughts that came as I wrote to Ruth:

I had a huge sigh of relief that the situation was taken care of....but I have to admit that it feels as if there is a huge cloud that seems to hover...wondering when the next situation will happen. The first situation that I got called about was a few years back...and Milton contacted me that Rick was pursuing to be a leader in Pathfinders...that is when I originally spoke to the pastor George Gainer.
Forgiveness is a hard thing. I remember when the other pastor told me to just forgive Rick. I got so angry...it was like all the anger I had inside me that hadn't come out came out right then and there...I stood up and yelled 'Until you are a woman, and until you have been through what I have been through, you have no right to tell me how to feel or to forgive that man'....Ah....that was liberating!

At Andrews I was confronted with the truth in forgiveness. We were doing a bible study and it came across the 'until you forgive your brother how can you accept my forgiveness of you'. It hit me hard...and it was then that I realized forgiveness isn't absolving someone of the wrong they have done in your life...it is being absolved of the hold that they have on you. As long as I had not forgiven Rick...he still had a hold on me (in my anger, resentment, pain, depression, etc....etc....etc.). Once I realized this, and was able to truly 'forgive and let go' in my heart...I finally experienced freedom. I think that is why situations like 'Joely' are difficult...it takes me back to a place that I have chosen to 'let go'...and in essence, it reminds me that he still has a hold on me in some ways (because I still feel responsible for those who come into his path).

Writing can be so telling, can't it? I am just now seeing why I am feeling what I am feeling...
I am, however, glad that the situation was brought to my attention...it is worth the safety and care of another to have these things drudged up....
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Mandi
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #2 - Sep 28th, 2009 at 9:59am
 
Thanks for sharing with us Ty!  You most definitely did the right thing.  I can understand how it just puts you right back where you don't want to be.  But it is amazing that you are able to keep others safe.  That's important.  Doesn't mean that it's easy though.  I don't know if I've ever forgiven my abusers.  I know that I need to get through some more things before I get there.  I think it will just happen when I'm ready.  One step at a time.  Sorry that you had to go back into your past and see the bad things again.  You have come such a long way and I"m so proud of you!  Thanks for sharing!!

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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Ty
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #3 - Oct 17th, 2009 at 12:15pm
 
Thanks Mandi Smiley It always helps to write...and it always feels good to know that someone has heard Smiley
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ciaro
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #4 - Oct 21st, 2009 at 3:57pm
 
Hi Ty,
I haven't been around in a while and just spotted this post now, so sorry about the delayed response.  I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to get that e-mail in August and have old wounds re-opened.  I admire your courage to expose yourself as you did, to safeguard another person.  I can only hope that you had someone close to support you through the ordeal and process its meaning for you.
You can be proud of how far you've come on your healing journey.

ciaro
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annie
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #5 - Nov 7th, 2009 at 7:53am
 
I am sorry about delayed response, but I have to say something. You are such a nice and brave person. You healed yourself and you are protecting others from evil. In my opinion, the most important thing after healing ourselves is to protect others, so no one ever doesn't experience destroying pain that we are struggling with. I am also planning to tell everyone in the familly about my abuse case. It is my moral obligation to do that. But I have to become  stronger than I am now, and I know I will. We cannot let them get away with what they have done. Guilt and shame belong to them, not to us, they are traitors, we are victims! 
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Ty
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Re: when the past is drudged up
Reply #6 - Nov 13th, 2009 at 10:31am
 
Ciaro...
Thank you so much for your supportive words Smiley I really appreciate it. It is always good, and reaffirming, to hear from others. For some reason we always doubt ourselves...doubt our actions...doubt our memories. You help to remind me that what I have chosen is right...and that I have a right to continue choosing to expose what others have done.

Annie...
Thank you so much for your support...and presence Wink I am glad you are here...and admire your courage to take a stand for you Smiley You are so worth it! You have a lot of strength, and I know that you will be sharing your voice with your family...and that you will triumph the evil that came to destroy you.
I am so glad to have you here at BTI...and I can only hope that you will find the support and encouragement you so deserve!

Journeying,
Ty
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