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Hi (Read 3623 times)
Maelie
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Bearing Through It!

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Hi
Aug 14th, 2009 at 4:39pm
 
Hi, I'm Maelie.  This board seems quiet but I wanted to post anyway and see what happens.  I am a survivor of extreme rejection by my family as a child and sexual abuse by a pseudo mom as a teen.  Now I am trying to pick up the pieces.  Today I feel sad.  My husband is coming home and I am afraid because today I feel triggered by all touch and he feels rejected when I am that way, but seriously, even the kisses of my affectionate little girl are too much to take today.  Trying to heal and be a mom and a wife is hard.
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Ty
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Re: Hi
Reply #1 - Aug 18th, 2009 at 1:29am
 
Hi Maelie...

I am glad that you have found your way here. Things have been slow...and sometimes that is because of the summer (people are running everywhere). A lot of times the board gets more active around the holidays...

Thank you for having the courage to post here. That is a huge thing to be able to do...and it isn't an easy thing...

I am sorry to hear that life has been a struggle. It makes me sad to know that you are having a hard time with your hubby and your little girl and being able to receive affection. I do understand where you are coming from...and I do want to see you come to a place where you can feel affection without it being painful for you...

Right now I can only imagine that you are feeling lost...but I want you to know that you are not alone. Know that you can always 'talk' here...and that I, and others (who will eventually come around)...are here.

I hope to hear from you again...know that you are welcome here, and that I hope that you will begin to see light in the darkness...

Journeying With You,
Ty

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Mandi
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Re: Hi
Reply #2 - Oct 19th, 2009 at 6:27pm
 
Welcome Maelie!  Thanks for sharing with us.  The board is very quiet lately.  I've been on here for years.  And it has been kinda quiet around here.  I check in from time to time to see if anybody posted.  Good to see you here.  I totally related to your post.  I have been married for 25 years.  But I've only been in recovery for about 7 - 8 years.  I even went to rehab last year to work through the years of abuse that I endured.  STILL  ~ I am triggered by my husband.  I try not to let him know.  But he does realize that I have no interest in sex.  I do it all for him.  It's hard to be married and triggered by touch.  It's hard for the husband to understand as well.  Even though my husband tries to understand, he doesn't totally get it.  There is a really good book that I bought for him called "Ghosts in the Bedroom".  I forgot the author.  But it was written by a survivor's husband.  It was very good and explained how hard it is for us.  Because when we are in bed with our husbands, we are really in bed with lots of other abusers as well.  It's very hard.  Are you going to therapy?  How old are your kids?  I didn't start working on things until my kids were older.  Now they are 18 and 22.  I think it might have been better if I started working on it earlier ~ but harder for ME.  I was a really good mom though and my focus was on my kids.  I was so busy with them that I rarely had time to worry about myself.  It was easier to deal with as they got older.  Thanks for sharing with us.  And I do hope you come back to visit.  I will try to check in as much as I can. 

Big hugs,
Mandi
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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ciaro
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Re: Hi
Reply #3 - Oct 21st, 2009 at 4:14pm
 
Hi,
Although it is a while since you posted, I just wanted to respond and welcome you here and to let you know that you have been heard.  I am sorry to know that you were not safe and cared for as a child. 
I too can understand when you describe being triggered even  by safe touch of loved ones.  That is so hard. 
Like Mandi, I wonder are you in therapy or receiving any kind of help in your healing. 
I hope you can find peace
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Ty
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Eastern Oregon
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Re: Hi
Reply #4 - Nov 4th, 2009 at 4:50pm
 
Hey Maelie...
I was just checking in on the boards and saw your post again....
Wanted you to know that I am thinking of you...hoping you are okay. Know that you are not alone in this...

Journeying,
Ty
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