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London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square! (Read 7975 times)
Tracey
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London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Sep 28th, 2008 at 4:38am
 
Yesterday was a lovely sunny day in London as I met up with other survivors; men, women and children.

I was nervous as we met at Marble Arch and seeing the police escorts.  The hardest point was the start, stepping out onto the streets with the others and walking throught the centre of London with banners to highlight childhood sexual abuse.

I was full of of emotions, nerves and excitement and overcame my fear of being 'seen'.  I certainly was seen and was touched as we walked through the streets to Trafalger Square as some people on the pavement watching us, clapped and applaued back.

The march finished at Trafalger Square where the rally was held for people to speak out loud with a microphone in front of all the watching public as most of them paddled in the fountains as they listened to those that spoke.

I sat there, enjoying being with the others and listeneing to people tell their stories, or simply say Hi.  A point came where I was so touched when a mother got up with her about 9yr old daughter.  Her daughter was too young to speak and had written down her own words for her mother to say out on the microphone.  This brave little girl thanked an organisation for helping her to heal.  Tears ran down my eyes as I was so proud of this little girl.  I continued to sit there and thought if she can do it, so can I.

I got up, walked to the front of the Trafalger Square monument and reached up for the microphone and put it to my mouth and turned around to see hundreds of people looking at ME.  My heart was pounding and my words started off shakey.  Little 'ole me stood up in front of everyone there and with the help of the microphone said the words, "My name is Tracey and I am a survivor........"  I did this in the city where my brother lives and works and I felt so strong and powerful.

People clapped and hugged me after and I have never, in my whole life experienced anything like it.

I went to London yesterday in fear of my brother seeing me and stood up there speaking wishing he could see me and what I had to say.

My words here honestly don't give the whole day and experience justice.

Fear held me back from telling as a child, yet fear did not hold me back yesterday in telling the world.
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square
Reply #1 - Sep 29th, 2008 at 11:20am
 
Tracey,

What a wonderful, uplifting experience this must have been for you ------ and what a wonderful, uplifting post for us here at BTI!  Tracey, I'm so proud of you!  What courage you have!  I wish I could have been in London to hear you.  I have some pictures that I took years ago of Trafalger Square.  Now whenever I get them out, I'm going to think of you.

I loved what you said about the fear holding you back as a child, but not as an adult.  This is something I've been thinking about.  How can I get past my fear?  Thank you for being a shining example that this is possible.

Tracey, I'm sending you a BIG hug today.

Rev
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square
Reply #2 - Oct 3rd, 2008 at 6:21pm
 
Hi Tracy,
You know, I read this post a few days ago and I was so overwhelmed by it and the magnitude of what you have accomplished I couldn't even respond.  I've thought about it a lot and am still in awe of you, your courage at the  rally and your courage to heal throughout the years. 
You are certainly an inspiration to me. And I couldn't be happier for you that you have come so far out of the darkness and into the light, living your life.

Thanks for sharing this with us here.
ciaro
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #3 - Aug 26th, 2009 at 9:24am
 
Hi Tracey,
I am practically in tears here as I try to imagine what the experience of that day must have been like for you.
How amazing you are and such an inspiration!
I live in England. Do they do these rallies every year?
I have been away from the forum for quite a while but it so great to come back and see such courage!

Big Love to you sister!

Jade.xxxxx
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #4 - Aug 26th, 2009 at 9:36am
 
Hi Patience Smiley

I read this and also am overcome with how courageous Tracey is. It is amazing to me how powerful fear can be...holding us back from the things that are truth, light, and liberating. Being able to step out brings such freedom...and a strength that rises from the core. Perhaps that is why my friend Marlana referred a lot to the Phoenix, rising from ashes...and likening that to abuse survivors/thrivers.

I hope Tracey sees your post...I know that she would love to fill you in on rallies that may occur in London. To be able to experience that would be beyond words....

I hope your day goes well...and that the sun shines on you today...

Journeying,
Ty
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Tracey
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #5 - Sep 1st, 2009 at 3:45pm
 
Hi there Patience,

I do remember you!

It was a surprise to see this old posting of mine again from last year.  What a year the past one has been for me since posting it.  I was inspired so much from this day and event last year that I wanted to *somehow* make a difference in my own way and help enhance the next years rally.

The rally for 2009 is around the corner and four weeks away.  What I have done is assist in promoting this years rally and designed and launched the following website to promote the event and an on-line petition with the Prime Minister in Downing Street to raise awareness.  I'm sure Ty won't mind me posing the URL for this website:

http://www.stopchildabuse.org.uk

It is in London on Saturday 26th September 2009 from midday onwards.

It is a peaceful rally and full of wonderful individuals who each inspire me.

I'm preparing my speech in front of the microphone this year already.  I know the adrenalin will kick in at the moment and I'll be on a high, I know afterwards I'll fall with emotions and deep down I know I'll be okay and look at who I am in the present and that I am no longer in the past.

It would be wonderful to see you there if you are able.  Take a look at the website and use the email contact address there if you would like further info.  That email will come directly through to me.

I can't wait until 26/9/09! Smiley

Take care Patience.

Tracey
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #6 - Sep 7th, 2009 at 5:07pm
 
Hi Tracey,
Thanks for the info on the London rally. Not sure yet if I will go as I am not very good with large crowds. Also, it's a bit daunting to go to something like that on my own and I can't think of anyone I could ask to go with me.
It is a fantastic event though and I can imagine how it would be both scary and healing to do something like stand up in front of lots of people and break the silence.
My journey through healing has led me to make many mistakes and wrong decisions which I am now paying the price for.
Sometimes I get so angry that something that happened so long ago can still affect my decision making now!
I worry about all sorts of things and yet still manage to find myself in unsafe situatons.
I have huge trust issues which has prevented me from finding and sticking with a therapist.
One of these days I shall have to 'go there' and get some work done!
It's strange because in theory, I can see how empowering doing certain things would be, but I always let my fear get in the way of making any real progress with my issues.
Anyway, I will make an effort to at least think about going to the London Rally!!
Take care until then.
Big Love,
Jade.
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #7 - Sep 28th, 2009 at 9:50am
 
Hey Tracey!  I can't wait to hear how everything went this year.  You are very brave to have done this last year ~ and again this year.  I am not sure I could do it.  I'm just so proud of you!!  Let us know how this year went.  And if you could share your speech, that would be great too. 

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
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Tracey
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #8 - Oct 14th, 2009 at 4:20pm
 
Hi Mandi,

Sorry for taking so long to reply.

Due to another long term event (human statues) in Trafalgar Square this year (Sept 2009) we were unable to use Trafalgar Sq.  We were 'side tracked' into Parliament Square (where the Houses of Parliament are).

It was a different feeling this year and I'm not sure how much of that is down to it not being my first time?

I have many friends now from the rally and through the website I built to promote it and the feeling of being in their company is so supportive and safe.

I watched as one gentleman named his abuser and was so proud of him.  When I got up and spoke, what I had planned out to say, didn't quite come out as planned.

I had my profile photo with me and said "if this was your child what would you want for her future?"  I said if it were my child I would hope she had a happy, supportive and encouraging upbringing.

As for how this child turned out, she was one that shut herself away for fear of people seeing what she had done (with her abuser) and hated herself so much that as an adult she tried to take her own life through the shame of what she had done.

Then, I said in front of the microphone "I am no longer afraid of you <Name> of the <xx> Police force."

It felt so good and empowering and I received a round of applause. 

I didn't shake and was so calm.

That was the day and it was wonderful.  I came home and posted on Twitter and Facebook his name too and what I had done.

Then reality hit.  Unknown to me, there was an individual that was unrecognised that had videoed all the speeches and then that night posted them on YouTube.  I didn't know and when it was brought to my attention with the possible consequences explained to me, I had to request for it to be removed.  I also had to remove the postings from Twitter and Facebook.

As I have not taken any legal proceedings against my abuser, if he or the police force he works for had seen it, he could turn around and procecute me for libel/slander.  Knowing my abuser, he would.

Where am I know with all this - Erm ... angry.  Again the victim is forced to be quiet.  If I was on my own and being the person I am now (through healing) then I would have left the video up on You Tube, ec.  However, I have my husband and children and couldn't put them through legal proceedings.

My posting on the social networking sites were up there for 24 hrs, so those near and dear now would have read it (who did not previously know).  I'm not ashamed of that.

I have experienced the most wonderful feeling from saying his name out loud on a microphone in front of hundreds of people in the city he works and lives.

I have for the first time been honest with my two children in age appropriate words of where I was going and why.  They now know the meaning of "safe touch, bad touch" and that "bad touch" happened to Mummy.

As for this anger, I don't know what to do with it.  I see my T now every 6 months.  Deep down, I want him to pay for what he did and I want to procecute him.  However, I am not strong enough to take him on or his police force.

I grow stronger year by year and am thankful for this event and all the others whom I meet at this annual event to see their strength and compassion.

I am a mother in the here and now who loves her own children and sees them experiencing a childhood I wish I had.  What more could I ask for ....? Smiley
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #9 - Oct 17th, 2009 at 12:13pm
 
There are no words to say how much I admire you...You have so much to be proud of Smiley
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Re: London Rally - I spoke out in Trafalger Square!
Reply #10 - Nov 13th, 2009 at 2:43pm
 
I almost started crying when I read this. This act requires enormous strength and years of hard and dedicated work on healing the trauma. You definetely did it. You won, you defeated evil that is so big and you deserve to feel great.  I hope that from now on you will always know how strong and extraordinary person you are. Your act gives me strength also to fight against evil.
I am so happy that you said the name of the abuser aloud. I hope that everyone will now what kind of immoral and disturbed person he is.
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