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Obituary (Read 3528 times)
revenna
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Obituary
Feb 12th, 2008 at 10:57am
 
Hello, everyone!

I just wanted to let you know I just happened to stumble onto the obituary of one of the men who molested me in early childhood.  Sometimes I check my hometown paper (thanks to the internet, I can do that now!), and there was one of the names from my past.  I know I've already shared with you that my father was part of a pedophile group.  The man in the obituary was a member of my father's group in the late 1950's and early 1960's.

It's hard to say how I feel right now.  I guess I am numb.  Part of me is glad he's dead.  Part of me wonders if he ever molested his own children.  According to the obituary, he and his family moved to another part of the country in 1962.  That's goes along with my fuzzy memories of the past.  I've always had the feeling that this man was a part of my early childhood, but not the later events.  I can't help but wonder how many people he harmed in his new place of residence.  I also wonder why he left the area where I lived?  Were people beginning to ask questions about him?  It would have been unusual at that point in time for someone to leave a good-paying job in Indiana and move to a totally different part of the country.  Families are much more mobile now.  Back then, this kind of change would have been considered unusual.

I also find myself feeling a little angry that this man did not have to face any kind of punishment for what he did to me.  There is a part of me that wishes I had had the emotional energy to track down the 2 surviving group members and confront them.  Now there is only one left, and I probably won't write to him either because I just don't have the strength right now.  There is a part of me that wishes these men would suffer for what they did to me, but would that really change anything?  I don't know.

Anyway, I just wanted to share what I have been thinking and feeling.  Thanks for listening!

Rev

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sacredheart
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Re: Obituary
Reply #1 - Feb 12th, 2008 at 12:43pm
 
Rev~
What a bag of mixed emotions that you must be going through right now. I am sorry. One of my abusers committed suicide years ago....I thought that was fitting.But, there is still a monster from my past that lives on. He, too, has moved around the country several times and I would love to track him down, but, I don't think it would do any good. I have been told by his daughter and grandchildren that he molested all of them, as well, and that he is no longer in their lives. I guess that I have to believe that karma will take care of him. He has been cut off from his entire family, which brings some comfort knowing that he will not be returning to my area. He was known as the "Chester Molester" in the neighborhood, which kills me that everybody knew what kind of person he was and nobody put a stop to it. It was much more difficult to bring these kind of monsters to justice, back in the day. I am glad that things have changed and it is much easier to catch and prosecute these creeps.
I am hoping that you will have some kind of closure and healing with this guy having died. Maybe not, the wounds that they have created damage their victims for a lifetime. It is so emotionally confusing. I would imagine that it took your breath away when you saw the obituary...it would have if it were me. I'm wishing for you deep inner peace and maybe even a sigh of relief.
Take care, my friend.

Sacredheart
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Mandi
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Re: Obituary
Reply #2 - Feb 12th, 2008 at 2:32pm
 
Wow ~ that would be hard to see for sure.  Maybe he never paid for his crimes on earth.  But I can't imagine that he's in Heaven.  Can you?  I don't think my dad is there.  Neither does my therapist.  So in a way ~ we are here.  We survived no matter what.  And they are NOT here.   Except for in our thoughts all the time.  I'm sorry that this has stirred up all the old emotions.  But I hope you will find some kind of peace through it.  I miss you!!!

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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revenna
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Re: Obituary
Reply #3 - Feb 14th, 2008 at 12:48pm
 
Thanks, Sacredheart and Mandi!

I appreciate your kind words.  I'm still feeling quite numb about all this, but I'm grateful for the new memories that have returned since I read this man's obituary.  From the beginning of this healing journey, I've wanted to know what happened to me and when.  I guess it's my way or regaining some of the power and control over my own life that was taken from me as a child.  As long as my memories lie deep within me and remain unaccessible, I feel like my abusers won the battle.  And I don't want that.  I want to feel that I've done everything I could to restore what was taken from me.

Sacredheart, I'm sorry for all you went through.  I'm sorry that one of these creeps is still around.  I know what you mean about wanting to track them down.  I have the address of my one remaining molester.  I probably won't ever write to him.  I figure he would just deny everything and tell people I'm crazy (and how long would it take me to heal from that?).  But it gives me a sense of power just knowing where he is and knowing that I COULD contact him if I want to.  Does that make sense?

You're right about these people not being caught and prosecuted when we were growing up.  Even if I could have articulated what was happening to me, I doubt if anything would have been done.  They probably would have been given a slap on the wrist and been told to stop meeting.  But I can't believe these men would have served any kind of jail time.  Sad.

Mandi, I agree that these men probably aren't in heaven.  I do believe there is some sort of accountability for what we do (or don't do) here on earth.  At least I hope these horrible men didn't completely get away with their crimes.  I think there is a part of me that will always wish they had to face some sort of justice while they were here on earth. 

Thanks to both of you for responding and supporting me this week!  I've really needed your words of hope and encouragement. 

Rev
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