just kind of tired of being....of just barely getting by. Of wanting healing but  not knowing what to do to get there. What do i do different- when I am sailing softly on some days and then on others with no provocation i steal into nightmare alley, and sleep aludes me. I dream in color and feel all the emotions that defeat me. I wonder what caused this nightmare, when it all seemed like i was doing well. no dreams for several weeks, working and getting by, and then, WHAM! I'm back in the thick of it for no apparent reason. what happened? why did i lose it?
just kind of hoping someone out there knows what i'm talking about....

Yes, i am again in one of those struggling moments. They do seem to come and go and i wonder why...I am working hard and struggling with my addiction. cravings have haunted me for a couple weeks now. I have almost 7 months clean and sober. I feel resentment at myself when i am having nightmares and flashbacks. i feel like " why can't you just get over this? " i search for answers but find little to none that adequately appeases me. I just keep telling myself, this is a process....so thank you for your feed-back. i appreciate your kindness and i do look up to you. you always share such insightful and strengthening topics. Thank you