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Mothers Day (UK) ~ Emotions (Read 2568 times)
Tracey
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Mothers Day (UK) ~ Emotions
Mar 18th, 2007 at 12:56pm
 
I woke this morning to the morning I have been dreading ~ Mothers Day (in the UK).  My own dear children had made lovely homemade cards and breakfast in bed.  Whilst they were downstairs and I was nibbling it up in my bed, I was in floods of tears.

The radio was full of requests for mothers across the county and how wonderful they were across the years; supportive and nurturing and I felt immense loss - I didn't experience that ..... and I want(ed) to ......  Worst of all, I HAD TO have mine for lunch and do the "dutiful daughter" thing.  I didn't want to.  I didn't want to perform today and I wanted it to be special for me and my own children and not to have to include her  Cry.  Part of me is angry because my brother gets away with his "dutiful duties" ......  Away with the past .....

She's now been here and is gone and I'm in tears again.  It's not only Mothers day here, it's her birthday too.

I talked openly and honestly with her; no games.  She surprised me by saying she had received a christmas card from my brother last year.  I asked her if she wanted to be in contact with him and she said "No", all she wanted was to be in contact with her grandchildren (my brothers 2 children by birth).  Hearing those words broke my heart; it's my fault that she hasn't.   I felt her pain and her loss in the present day.  I believe there is nothing like the link between real birth grandchildren and adopted grand-children don't have that connection.

I'm crying because I love my children.  Today is so special because I wasn't gifted to be able to have my own children and the ones's I have are soooo special, more than words can say.  I thank the Universe for being brought to them...  What I expereince day in and day out is so different from what I experienced in my own childhood.

I'm crying because my own mother can't find her own strength to contact her own birth-grandchildren and take her own responsibility to have a different relationship with them.

I'm crying because I want a mother that offers support and nurturing and encouragement and loves me.

I'm crying because I'm alive and I don't want to be ....... my children and husband keep me here ...... Living is painful.

Mother's Day is painful.
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Mandi
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Re: Mothers Day (UK) ~ Emotions
Reply #1 - Mar 18th, 2007 at 3:29pm
 
Hey Tracey!

I'm sorry this is such a bad day for you!!  I hate mother's day here in the US also.  I dread that day!!  One thing's for sure ~ you are not responsible for the pain that your mother is feeling because of your brother.  He did things that were wrong.  Not you.  Mothers love their children whether they are bad or good.  I see that with my own mom and brother.  She loves him, but she doesn't like him or anything that he has done.  I mean ~ he's in jail.  He has caused her lots of pain.  It's HARD!!!  I think that for me personally ~ I would love a child or a grandchild no matter if they were blood related or not.  It takes more than giving birth/having children to be a mother.  Your children obviously love you enough to show you how much they love you.  They love you and they know that they are special to you.  You are a really good mom.  You have a right to have all of your sad feelings.  It's OK.  We understand them all.  I always find it so hard to buy my mother a mother's day card.  They are all so sweet and loving.  I just can't buy those.  So I get the most simple card that I can find ~ one that just says, "Hope you have a good mother's day."  Or something like that.  Anyway ~ I wish you didn't have to feel this way.  I saw that you were in the chat room and I tried to go in and chat with you.  But you must have already logged off.  Sorry that I missed you.  I just got back into town today after being gone a week.  I am downloading pics to my computer so I thought I would stop by and see what's up.  Hang in there!  You are in my thoughts!!!

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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lostsoul
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Re: Mothers Day (UK) ~ Emotions
Reply #2 - Mar 18th, 2007 at 4:43pm
 
Tracey,

Happy Mother's day! I'm sorry you are so down but glad you can express those feelings and don't keep them locked up inside you allowing them to eat you up inside.  Please know that your mom is responsible for herself, her actions and her lack of actions. What she does or doesn't do is her choice and her deicsion.

As for your mom wanting to see your brother's kids because they are blood related or wahtever. . . I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way. Just because you brought a child into this world does not mean you are a parent. A parent is someone who is there for a child, somene who sits up with them at night, hurts when their child hurts. . . it has to do with love not with blood.

I hope your day improves for you and you find lots of smiles and giggles.

kate
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Ty
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Re: Mothers Day (UK) ~ Emotions
Reply #3 - Mar 30th, 2007 at 12:33am
 
Tracey...

How are you doing?

My heart goes out to you. I am hoping that since I am getting back to you 10 days later that your feeling better? I wanted to write and tell you how much I admire you for adopting (right?). That is something that I wish I could do...and always wanted to do. I just don't have the strength (emotionally) for more children...although the two I have do bless me. And, honestly, anyone who thinks that the bond is less because of adoption is truly ignorant. I heard a story (you may have heard it too) about the child who came to their mother upset because they were being teased at school. Apparently the other children were saying that the child wasn't special or something to that effect...
The mother took her child aside and told them that she had the opportunity to choose them...and that made that child all the more special.

I feel badly that you don't have the mother  you so need and deserve... But I am glad that your children have you. I hope that one day you will not live because of them, but because of you. You are important...and special...simply because you are you.

Keep hanging in there....

Journeying,
Ty
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