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My T is moving house (Read 2499 times)
Tracey
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My T is moving house
Mar 12th, 2007 at 9:43am
 
My T is moving house (still within the area and still so I shall continue to see her) and Iíve known since the end of December, however, I tricked myself into believing that it wouldnít happen.  It is happening and it is real and it is happening next month.

Iím having immense difficulty is distinguishing between the past and reality.  This is very significant in my past and Iím having difficulty in coping.  As a child, my abuse started in one house, the one where my mother walked in and shouted at us and walked away and left us.  We then moved and this is where my brother ensured that the future and more disturbing events occurred when she was not there.

Part of me is screaming, No my T canít move.  Things are going to get worse and I am not going to be safe from now on.  When I am able to check with reality, I know my T is going to keep me safe and she wouldnít move to an unsafe place.  I am so unnerved by this, that when she confirmed last Weds when I saw her that it is happening next month, I shut down on her into total dissociation.  I could see her sitting there opposite me, I could hear her words and I couldnít let her in.  Itís a horrible place to be and a very familiar one for me.

I have agreed to be totally honest with her and she has asked me to keep a journal and I can have phone contact should I need to harm myself.  I do want to and I canít reach out to her.  I feel very isolated and alone and feel nothing.

Itís going to be 3 weeks without seeing her whilst the move takes place and my husband is abroad for one of those weeks.  Iím already dreading it before itís here.  The memories of the second house in my childhood are very strong and wonít go away.  I want to cry and I donít want to be left alone.  Iím terrified of being left alone.  I donít trust myself to be alone with myself.

I donít want this to happen ÖÖ.
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revenna
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Re: My T is moving house
Reply #1 - Mar 12th, 2007 at 2:35pm
 
Tracey,

I'm sorry all of this is happening to you just now -- your T moving to another location and your husband being abroad at the same time.  I feel for you and wish I could be of more help.  Sometimes I, too, feel like I'm living in two worlds at once.  It's as if the past and the present are coexisting!  I realize that most of my fears have to do with the past, but that doesn't make them any less painful.  I've been trying to do a lot of self-talk with myself, reminding myself to be more logical about things and try to live in the present.  I feel for you, Tracey, because I know your fears are very real and valid.  I know you are very strong and I believe you can get through this.  Has your T given you any coping suggestions for this difficult "moving" time?  Please feel free to come here and share with us what you are feeling and thinking.  I stop by to read the posts every day and I will be glad to read anything you have to share.

Wishing you peace,
Rev
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lostsoul
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Re: My T is moving house
Reply #2 - Mar 14th, 2007 at 11:48pm
 
Tracey,

What a difficult time you must be going through right now. I wish I could be there to stay by your side and help you through this time - please know I am thinking of you and picture me next to you, supporting you through these difficult times.

I don't want to downplay the stress at all (I tend to try and find some positive in things) - perhaps once you work through this difficult time you will be able to see that your T moving is OK and bad things won't happen even though she is in a different place. Would it be possible for you to maybe help her move or set up her new office? That might give you a better feeling, seeing things are OK, being there to see all  can be well, and hopefully work through this difficult time.

Please know I am thinking of you and I am there with you through this rough time.

kate
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Mandi
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Re: My T is moving house
Reply #3 - Mar 18th, 2007 at 3:39pm
 
How horrible Tracey!! †I understand why you feel that way!! Undecided †Just try to keep telling yourself that you are SAFE with your T. †This is not your brother or the past or your old house/new house. † You are safe now. †Try try try!!!!! †I understand a little of what you are going through. †I had a hard time when my T moved office buildings. †It was such an adjustment. †I think all of her patients really had a hard time with it so it wasn't just me. †And it's not just you. †It's just that change for us is not a good thing. †It's not knowing what things will be like. †It's not stable. †It's OK to feel that way. †Just keep trying to deal with it the best you can. †Your T is really good about letting you call her ~ so call her if you need to. †Or post here. †We will listen and understand.  After the adjustment period, I felt much better about the change and I'm sure you will too.  Hang in there!!

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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