Bearing Through It
   
  HomeHelpSearchLoginRegister  
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print
NOTE-Important! (Read 4683 times)
KayCee
Junior Bear
**
Offline


Bearing through it!

Posts: 69
Gender: female
NOTE-Important!
Feb 20th, 2007 at 7:18pm
 
Everybody,

I'm totally not going to be writting anything on here, and I hope that you guys all forget about me. And I hope that there is a way to delete everything that I've written on it. Not all of it were lies, but I was never raped, and my grandpa's never touched me inappropriately. Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know that. So, knowing that no one will ever look at me the same, I'll bow out gracefully.

sincerely,

Becca
Back to top
 

There is so much scope for the imagination.&&~Anne of Green Gables~
 
IP Logged
 
Ty
Protector Bear
*****
Offline



Posts: 847
Eastern Oregon
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #1 - Feb 21st, 2007 at 11:34am
 
Dear BTI Members, and Becca...

I was alerted this morning about Becca's post, and please allow me to clarify.

Currently, Becca is in the middle of not knowing what to do. Her mom came to pick her up for visitation and made the decision to lie to Becca's father about where she would be taken. They were supposed to visit Becca's brother, who is at a camp for troubled teens, nearby. Instead, Becca's mom decided to take Becca to another state, where Becca's grandfather lives. Becca's mom had been forbidden to take Becca there, because of the abuse situation. Becca has told us, her diary, me personally, and many other people that I know that she was abused. Her mom has also admitted to the fact that Becca's grandfather abused her as well (the mom has said that her father has abused her...but doesn't anymore). Becca's mom has also stated that the grandfather was in prison for sexual abuse.

So, knowing that, I will leave it up to you what to believe.

Right now this is what I believe:

I believe that Becca loves her mom and sees how hurt she is that Becca doesn't live there.

I believe that Becca is not safe with her mom, because her mom refuses to see the danger Becca, and Becca's siblings, are in.

I believe that Becca likes it at her mom's because she is a teenager and has no rules to abide by...because there is no parental control there.

I believe Becca doesn't like it at her mom's because she doesn't get taken care of (no food in the fridge, dirty home, sexually abusive grandfather, mom's boyfriends).

I believe that Becca is constantly concerned for her younger siblings that live at her mom's house and she would like to protect them....therefore wants to be there.

These are just a few things I believe. I hope you will be able to see what is happening here. And Becca, if you are reading, I want you to know that I care for you deeply...if I didn't then I would have erased your post. But, I do care and I am greatly concerned. I do not know what will be happening in the near future, but I do hope that you make the right choice to not only protect yourself, but your siblings as well...and that your mom would get the help that she needs to be able to confront the abuse issues.

Cry
Ty
Back to top
 

Bloom where you are planted.
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Rivkele
Super Bear
*****
Offline


Bearing through it!

Posts: 1081
UK
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #2 - Feb 21st, 2007 at 1:20pm
 
(((Becca)))

Even before I read Ty's response, I felt that what you had written in this post was not the truth. I'm so sorry you are in such turmoil. I relate SOOOO much to how badly you want to crawl into denial and make the abuse not have happened. Especially if your mom has taken you to see your grandfather again ~ it must just seem like it would be easier for everyone if you took back your allegations and pretended like nothing happened. But it isn't better for you, is it. What a lot of pressure on you. I feel an enormous amount of pressure to pretend too, and I'm 36 and living independently. I can't imagine how much more horrible this must feel for you. Feeling so responsible for your siblings must make it a hundred times more complicated.

I just wanted you to know ~ it's okay if you need to come here and say it didn't happen for a while. None of us will buy it, deep down, and we'll all be here for you no matter what. And if you really need to stay away ~ that's fine too and the door will never be closed to you.

I'm so glad you have Ty in your life. Please let her or us or someone be there for you.

Big safe hugs,

Rivkele
Back to top
 

'A person should want to live, if only out of curiosity'        Yiddish proverb
 
IP Logged
 
Mandi
Super Bear
*****
Offline



Posts: 2909
Texas
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #3 - Feb 21st, 2007 at 2:55pm
 
Hey Becca!

We could NEVER forget you.  Just so you know.  When I read your posting ~ I felt the same way Riv felt.  You have to remember, we are all survivors here.  We know all the tricks in regards to lying and stuff.  We live our life as a big lie.   I believe everything that Ty said.  I think that maybe you might want to be with your mom for the reasons she stated.  AND even protect your siblings.  It's OK to want to protect your mom or be with her.  I love my mom no matter what.  I still protect her by NOT telling her about my dad or brother.  Maybe I'm protecting myself as well.  But I don't want to hurt her by telling her.  It sounds like the safest place for you is with your dad and step mom who love you very much and want to protect you.  As a teenager ~ it's kinda fun to NOT have boundaries set by a parent.  But it's not always what's in your best interest.  Without the right boundaries ~ you can get into a lot of trouble or get hurt by others.   This is so hard for you to understand because you are in the middle of the dysfunctional battle that is going on in your family right now.  And you are young.  When you are older, you will understand that the safest place IS and WAS your dad and step mom's.  You don't always have to like what they say.  That's part of being a teenager.  We understand that too.  Just know that we are here for you and we will continue to be here for you.  You can't make us feel differently about you no matter what.  I hope and pray that the RIGHT THING happens in this situation.  We want what is best for you.  Hang in there!!

Big safe hugs,
Mandi Smiley 
Back to top
 

At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
IP Logged
 
ciaro
Care Bear
****
Offline


Bearing through it!

Posts: 601
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #4 - Feb 22nd, 2007 at 3:22pm
 
Dear Becca,

Where to start??
I wish so much I could reach out to you.  I hope you know that bti is a safe place, a very safe place.  What I like most about bti is that the door is always open.  I can leave and not make contact for months on end and then come back and am accepted with open arms. 
At bti Becca, you are accepted just exactly as you are.  You are welcome and accepted here whenever you wish to come to a safe place for support.
I am so sorry your life is in turmoil and the people who are supposed to keep you safe are not.  They are the adults Becca, it is their job to keep you and your brothers and sisters safe.  It is not your job, you are a teenager. 
You have done nothing wrong by 'telling' what happened to you.  In fact you have been extremely courageous to talk about your abuse.  It is not your fault Becca. 
I hope you read this Becca. 
Mostly, I hope that wherever you are that you are safe and that you can find an appropriate way to keep yourself safe and get help if you need it, maybe through your school or church.  Do you have a phone?  There are always help lines for young people to call.  Remember that, maybe get that number, keep it in your back pocket for the 'just in case' situation.
I don't know if I ever told you, I have mentioned it here before and probably before you came to bti.  I light a candle every night for myself and everyone here at bti.  the candle is  'a light in the darkness'  to guide me through.  When I light this candle I always think of bti.  So know that there is some one on the opposite side of the world, in Ireland, thinking about you.
I will hold you close to my heart and and hope that you are safe and know that you deserve to be treated with respect and loved and cared for.
The door is always open Becca.  There is always help and hope.
take care of you
Back to top
 

I am always more than my struggles
 
IP Logged
 
lostsoul
Super Bear
*****
Offline


Bearing through it!

Posts: 2006
NV
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #5 - Feb 25th, 2007 at 4:42pm
 
Becca,

WOW, what wonderful support others have shown you through this thread. I too know what is to want to ignore our past and pretend it never happened. I am 42 and to this very day I wish daily that I can one day convince myself that my childhood nightmares are not reality but unfortunately they are. Lucky for us all we have found this wonderful site created by Ty. I hope you know what a strong and supportive friend you have in Ty. It is obvious how much you mean  to her.

Everyone understands a child's need for her mother's love and support but sooner or later you have to realize that your dad is probably hte more stable of the two. It doesn't mean you can't still love you mom. It just means that chances are you are much better off staying with your dad.

It's sad that you had to endure the past you did and sad that you have to deal with parents who are not together and support one another. I understand this in that I am divorced and I can see how it impacts my children. I wish for their sake that I could get along with their father but it's just not possible. How unfair to you to have to endure such things.

Please know that you are loved here and this is a safe haven for you. This is a place Ty has created for us all to get some of that poison out instead of allowing it to fester inside of us. Please also know we are concerned for you and what is best for you.  I hope you come here soon and see all the love and support from everyone and how much you are wanted and needed here.

kate
Back to top
 
 
IP Logged
 
KayCee
Junior Bear
**
Offline


Bearing through it!

Posts: 69
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #6 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 1:46am
 
Seriously guys, you've got to understand,  I was never raped, and my grandpa's never touched me inappropriately. Honestly. Seriously you've got to believe me. You need to. I was never raped. I made it up, so that I would have a valid reason to feel the way I did. Now, I'm coming clean. I WAS NEVER RAPED.
If you dont believe this, thats fine, and my conscience is now satisfied that I tried to tell you the truth, after lying. And for lying I'm sorry.

I told my step-mom, whom I'm sure is reading this, that I was never raped. She doesn't believe me. Here's a question for her, if I was raped, then why did it take me so long to finally tell you a name. Because I had to make one up. Okay....whatever, I said that I wasn't going to be on here again, but I had to after the wonderful confrontation with Ty. Oh yes, I'm sure she cares deeply about me.

Last post forever,

Becca
Back to top
 

There is so much scope for the imagination.&&~Anne of Green Gables~
 
IP Logged
 
Ty
Protector Bear
*****
Offline



Posts: 847
Eastern Oregon
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #7 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 2:30pm
 
I apologize to the members here for being pulled into the drama. I was debating whether or not to post that I had received a call from Becca yesterday, and had decided not to based on the fact that I believe you all know who I am and what kind of character I have.

Because some may be reading Becca's most recent post I figured you may be wondering what is going on. To be honest, I personally don't want to begin a debate on the boards with Becca. Having said that...I hope that you will all be able to figure out what is true versus what is untrue. I know that if any of you have concerns or questions you will write to me...

And Becca...I am glad that  you posted. You are always welcome here....whenever, for whatever.

Journeying,
Ty

PS.
Becca's step mom does not read the message boards,
unless I ask her to read a post by Becca that has me concerned
(as Becca is a minor and I do feel personally responsible for
her safety).
Back to top
 

Bloom where you are planted.
WWW  
IP Logged
 
Mandi
Super Bear
*****
Offline



Posts: 2909
Texas
Gender: female
Re: NOTE-Important!
Reply #8 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 4:37pm
 
Hey Becca!

It's so hard to know what is real or not.  Since we don't know you in person ~ the way that Ty does.  But here is what I believe ~ I believe that Ty, your step mom and your dad care very much for you and want what is best for you.  It must be so hard to be in a split family ~ I can't even imagine.  As dysfunctional and abusive as my family life was, I would have been even more lost if my parents divorced.  One thing I learned along the way is ~ you can't help what family you are born into.  Wouldn't it be nice to go to a store to pick out your parents?  I always used to pretend that I could do that.  Let's see......I want my mommy to be beautiful, sweet, loving, caring ~ and NEVER YELL AT ME or spank me!!  I want my daddy to be handsome.  And I want him to love me and care for me the way a real daddy is supposed to.  It would be nice.  It just didn't work out for me like that.  SO ~ here I am creating my own world with my own family.  I married young ~ I was 19.  I think I felt like I needed to escape my world of dysfunction.  Not that I'm condoning marriage so young at all.  It was just right for me at that time.  THEN ~ I decided that I would be the mother that I wanted to have in my life.  I am not perfect at all.  But I work really hard at creating a safe environment for my children.  It sounds like your step mom and dad are trying really hard to create a safe place for you.  They want what is best for you.  Even if it doesn't always feel like it.  Hang on to that.  Believe that you deserve what is best.  Create the life that you want to live.  Look around you at people you admire and want to be like.  Find out how you might get to that place.   Find your passion.   You can be anything you want!  Go for it!  That's all I have to say about this post.  I wish you the best of luck and post whenever you want to.  You are in my thoughts and prayers!

Big hugs,
Mandi Smiley
Back to top
 

At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
IP Logged
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send Topic Print


Bearing Through It HomePage