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Ten things ~ (Read 7149 times)
Mandi
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Ten things ~
Feb 20th, 2007 at 3:27pm
 
Hey everybody!

Did anybody ever see that movie ~ Because of Winn Dixie?  It's a cute dog/kid movie.  It was kinda corny actually.  My kids were too old to watch it when it came out, but I thought it looked cute.  It was on HBO when I was clicking around on Sunday.  So I stopped to watch it.  I was alone and feeling kinda blue.  It was pretty cute actually.  The little girl grew up without her mom.  She lived with her dad and kept trying to find out things about her mom.  Finally ~ she said, "Just tell me ten things about mom".  And he did.  Anyway ~ since we have all been so quiet lately, maybe we can just list 10 things about our lives right now.  If you want to.  The dad just listed ten things about the mom's personality.  But I felt like we could do it as a list of what's up with each other. 

10 things about Mandi at the moment ~

1 ~ I am sad because my best friend and I are having a hard time right now (she just divorced and we are struggling)
2 ~ My husband and I are not getting along right now
3 ~ We sold our house without even putting it on the market.  Somebody just heard about it and wanted to take a look. 
4 ~ The house we are remodeling is taking forever to finish.  We might move in sometime around April
5 ~ I hate our new house!!!!!
6 ~ My baby turned 16 last month and now I don't feel like I'm needed as much
7 ~ My daughter is moving out in a month to move in with her boyfriend and his family (long story)
8 ~ I am going skiing in Vail, Colorado on Thursday - Monday with 3 good friends. 
9 ~ I am going to my therapist's husband to work on issues with my husband
10 ~ I really feel trapped in my marriage right now.  But I don't feel like I could divorce because of my son who gets so emotional when we fight.

*I will continue to work through EVERYTHING so I can get to a better place.*

Now ~ how about ten things in your life right now.  Wink
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ciaro
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #1 - Feb 22nd, 2007 at 3:37pm
 
1.  I have been working nights, so haven't been around.

2.  I feel crazy.  The insiders are going crazy.  I keep splitting and am finding it hard to keep the front up.

3.  I've wanted to reach out to here but didn't know where to start.

4.  I don't believe in repressed memories.  They can't be true.

5. I feel like a crazy person. 

6. Very disturbing things happening in therapy.

7.  I have a very, very strong sense of another abuser.  Thats why I don't believe in repressed memories.  This   is too hard to cope with.

8. I'm afraid if it is true, I will fall apart and never be put back together again.

9.  there was talk of my brother going to live in Australia.  I felt sick, like he was somehow taking control away, like he was jsut getting on with his life and I was left behind.  I was like he was just abandoning me.  I'm very confused about this and feel disgusting  that I would even care about him.  Now he is not going and I'm afraid I'll have to see him again- nevr happy.

10.  Wonder is all this therapy worth it.  Could my life be any worse without it.  I'm not convinced it's any better Sad
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Hope
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #2 - Feb 23rd, 2007 at 6:35pm
 
Hey Mandi!

1. I am FINALLY back on the internet after having no access for months.
2. I was dismissed from school and must wait a year to re-apply.
3. I am currently looking for a job.
4. I am back in contact with ex-bf~it's like I stepped back a year in time.
5. I am back in weekly (general) counseling.
6. I am behind on my carpayment.
7. I have missed everyone here and wondered about everyone these last few months.
8. I didn't know we were getting a chat room but I think it's awesome.
9. I am working really hard to not to seek validation from anyone other than myself.
10. I am getting better at setting and maintaining personal boundaries, which seems like a contradiction to #4 but really isn't. 
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"all who wander are not lost. . ."&&&&don't know who said it, but i like it.
 
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ciaro
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #3 - Feb 25th, 2007 at 4:17pm
 
Hi Hope,
Its good to see you around.

I've been thinking of something I said in my 'ten things'.
I said I don't believe in repressed memories.
When I wrote this, I did not think of the impact this may have on others.  I should clarify.  I don't want to believe in repressed memories.  95% of my memories are repressed memories come to the forefront.  It is just so difficult.  I suppose I am in denial.  It is so hard for me to believe they can be true and I had no memories.  I really struggle with this, specially now as it seems there is someone else to remember.  It is just too much, so I don't want to believe. 
My statement was not a reflection of what I think of others who have retrieved memories, just me being hard on me and trying to pull the shutters down.  Its no tworking by the way.  I am in the horrors.  I recognise this place from before and am afraid I am going to go into a dark hole again. And I am afraid. 
I am sorry if this statment may have upset anyone.  I didn't think at the time.
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lostsoul
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #4 - Feb 25th, 2007 at 4:31pm
 
First. . . Ciaro, I understood exactly what you were meaning when you mentioned not believing in repressed memories because a few numbers down you explained you didnt want to believe such memories could be true. You explained yourself so no worries Smiley

Now time for my 10 things. . .

1.  I wish I could figure out who this person is that I am. Can't expect others to accept me when I have no clue who I am.
2.  Went to T the other day and actually spoke up and told her what I needed to talk about instead of avoiding it. First time in my 3 years of T.
3. I am someone who comes across as a very strong individual but what no one knows if I am the biggest fake in the world. . . I am no one
4. I have done better in life lately - not so many ups and down on the roller-coaster ride but worry it's more due to avoidance than reality (but then again it could just be me not accepting things in life can go well).
5. My dad has been sick and I am extremely worried about him but don't know how to show it.
6. I have had some major medical things happen and don't have the gutts to tell my own family to have support.
7. I am someone who feels lost constantly in life.  I still feel like that little girl who has absolutly no control of what goes on in my life
8. I have a b/f who seems to love me but I think I keep messing things up because of my inability to believe anyone can love this person I have become.
9. I want nothing more than to learn to be strong and feel strong about myself.
10. Love when my kids need my support and I can see how they are better because of me but feel most times I just cause waves in life.

Well, typically I avoid these things but decided not to run from facing me. This was more difficult than I thought but not as painful as I had thought - hope that makes some sense.

kate
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Mandi
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #5 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 4:49pm
 
Hey everybody!

Thanks for responding with your ten things.  I love it when we share our thoughts, dreams and our problems with each other.  Here are my new things ~

1 ~ My best friend and I are doing better.  We have talked and gotten past her dark secret that was keeping us apart. 
2 ~ My hubby and I went to therapy to work out issues in regards to the new house.  We are doing better and are sharing the decorating and stuff. BETTER!!
3 ~ My ski trip was fun.  But I was struggling a bit with depression.  AND IT WAS COLD!!!!!!!!
4 ~ Today there was a really freaky storm while I was watching my son's tennis tournament.  It lasted for 5 minutes.  But it hailed, the wind blew and it broke my umbrella.  Then the sky broke open and it was beautiful outside.
5 ~ My son played well in his tournament and I was happy for him.  He won two out of three games and received a medal. 
6 ~ I am gaining weight and I'm unhappy about it.  Sad
7 ~ I'm eating more chocolate to try to cope with the weight gain. Which of course makes the weight gain even worse
8 ~ My daughter is driving me insane. Shocked  She is spending the night with her bf's family and not telling us that she is there.  I am trying to get her to make up her mind on where to live.  She is almost 20 ~ in 7 more days. 
9 ~ I saw a really cool, bright orange, Mustang today with black racing stripes.  It was super cool and it made me smile!!!! Smiley
10 ~ My son loves driving my old Mustang that he just inherited in January.  I miss it ~ but I'm happy for him. 
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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Hope
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #6 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 11:02pm
 
Welp, Miss Mandi, if you are going to post another round then I guess I will too  Wink

1. I babysat my friend's infant son today.
2. I LOVE taking care of infants.
3. I am considering starting a house cleaning business.
4. I am skills testing at an employment agency tomorrow.
5. I am truly owning the fact that no one can disrespect me unless I allow them to.  Smiley
6. My friend told me today that she can tell I have been in therapy and is proud of the changes she sees in me.
7. I found out today that my brother got married in January.
8. I discovered it on his MySpace page and confirmed it with my parents.
9. My "baby" (my goddaughter) is going to be 8 on March 8~her Golden Birthday~ I can't believe she is growing up so fast.
10. I stumbled across a Grateful Dead concert on PBS tonight and it MADE my night.  Grin Grin Grin
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"all who wander are not lost. . ."&&&&don't know who said it, but i like it.
 
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Mandi
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #7 - Mar 1st, 2007 at 11:54pm
 
Hey Hope!

Thanks for obliging and posting again!! Cheesy  I loved your ten things!!  Good luck with the tests tomorrow!  I will keep you in my good thoughts!! I love #5 ~ it reminds me of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt.  Something like ~ "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."  That was one smart lady for sure!  How cool that your friend complemented you on your change!  Way to go!  You must have been doing some awesome therapy sessions lately!  I can't believe you JUST found out about your bro.  What a bummer!!  Any excuse as to WHY?!!!  My daughter's bday is March 8th also.  She will be 20 which makes me REALLY OLD!!!!  I'm glad that the Grateful Dead made your night!  COOL!! Cool  Thanks for sharing!!

Big hugs,
Mandi
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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Mandi
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #8 - Mar 29th, 2007 at 11:17am
 
The board is so quiet and I miss all of you when you're not here.  I hope all is well with each of you!!

Updating 10 things (but not much to say)~

1 ~ I am mad at myself for bingeing a lot yesterday
2 ~ I feel like a little girl today
3 ~ my daughter has officially moved in with her boyfriend and his family
4 ~ it's peaceful in the house without her
5 ~ but sometimes it's too quiet
6 ~ I need to go pack for our upcoming move
7 ~ BUT I KEEP PROCRASTINATING!!!!!
8 ~ I smell like coffee because I just came home from a meeting @ Starbuck's.
9 ~ I don't even drink coffee.  But I love the smell.
10~I am trying really hard to NOT BINGE OR SELF INJURE TODAY!!!!!
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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lostsoul
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #9 - Mar 29th, 2007 at 8:53pm
 
Should I state as my first thing that I didn't even realize this began a while ago and I had already posted once??? Shows you how screwed up I am right now

1.  Hating myself - but nothing really new about this except this time it's at a more deeper, madder, disliking myself level.

2.  Issues AGAIN with my b/f and can't figure out if it's me or him- too screwed up to know anything.

3. Work in a building with idiots and really getting sick of it but too chicken to ever leave.

4. My son who struggles with everything school wise is doing much better - he's smart  but lazy.

5.  My daughter is happily growing up and enjoying her life - something I never experienced but enjoy seeing her do.

  This is starting to get more difficult

6.  Now seeing my T more often - guess that means I am more screwed up, but actually know it's because I finally let her see inside a bit to give her something to work with.

7. Just found out I will be taking a HUMONGOUS pay cut next year and stressing about that

8.  Wishing I could do a do-over with life and see if I can get it right the second time around.

9. Have found a wonderful chiropractor who is into holistic things and man has he pinpointed some major medical issues in my life and my sons - impressive but will see if he helps things.

10. Estatic that I finally hit 10 and don't have to work on figuring out what else to write.
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Hope
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #10 - Mar 30th, 2007 at 12:15pm
 


Well, I guess I'll add 10 more things:

1. I have become addicted to Diet Cherry Limeades from Sonic.
2. I used a nail gun and a power sander for the first time this week.
3. I am finding that I really really enjoy construction.
4. I fit back into a pair of jeans I busted out of last summer. Smiley
5. I am finding that I have issues with grossly overweight people.
6. I am ashamed of my anger towards those people.
7. I don't know what I want in life.
8. That scares me.
9. If I don't decide and go for it, life will decide for me.
10. I am gravely concerned about the state of current international affairs.
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"all who wander are not lost. . ."&&&&don't know who said it, but i like it.
 
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ciaro
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #11 - Mar 30th, 2007 at 6:21pm
 
Ok, here goes,
1. Was at my nephews confirmation today

2. Ate chocolate cake at the confirmation

3. Having way too much family contact at the moment.  Not healthy, fo rme anyway

4. Want to leave therapy

5. Am sick of life

6. Am probably quite depressed at the moment.

7. Had half a bottle aof wine this evening - when I came home from the family gathering

8. Hope its raining tomorrow, then I don't have to walk the dog and can stay in bed all day

9. Joined a yoga class a few weeks ago.  Had one panic attack at a class, but still went back the next week

10. Cut the grass the other day.  Ok a bit lame I know, but I can't think of anything else to say.
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Mandi
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Re: Ten things ~
Reply #12 - Apr 3rd, 2007 at 3:01pm
 
OK ~ I just gotta say a few things about what the last few of you just shared.  Since those are the newest ones.

Kate ~ it sounds like you have some pretty good positives on your list.  Your kids sound fantastic!!  Sounds like you have a good chiro ~ which is fabulous!!  They are hard to find.  I hope he continues to help you.  I am happy to hear that you are seeing your T more.  That means that you are more willing to work through things.  You are NOT screwed up.  It's just time for you to work on YOU for a while!!  You deserve it.  Maybe a new JOB?  That might be something to consider for sure.  Especially if you are so unhappy and you get a pay cut.  You are worth MORE!!!!  Thanks for sharing!! 

Hope ~ I LOVE Diet Cherry Limeades from Sonic as well!!  YEA!!!!  In the jean dept. ~ YOU GO GIRL!!  I'm happy that you can fit into the old jeans.  That's always such a boost!!  In one sentence you said that you don't know what you want to do in life.  But in another sentence, you said that you really enjoy contruction.  Now that sounds like your calling.  Something that you really enjoy!!  And you seem happy with it.  I think you are finding what you want little by little.  I am proud of you!!

Ciaro ~ Yea for chocolate cake!!!!!!!!  You do seem a bit down at the moment.  I hope you are feeling better now!!!!  A really positive thing that you said is that you had a panic attack in yoga ~ but still went back.  THAT IS HUGE!!!!  I don't know if I would  have had the guts.  FIRST ~ just going to yoga is awesome!!  But then going back.  I'm impressed!!!!  Thanks for sharing!  And I hope you are feeling better and staying away from the family a bit.  Take care!!

Big hugs,
Mandi
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At some point, you have to make a decision.Boundaries don't keep other people out.They fence you in.Life is messy.That's how we're made.So,you can waste your lives drawing lines.Or you can live your l
 
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