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Disequilibrium (a work in progress...) (Read 2170 times)
Monica
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Take that you evil perverts!
 Mwa Ha Ha!

Posts: 207
Missouri, USA
Gender: female
Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Mar 7th, 2006 at 6:39pm
 
This sounds like a bunch of jumbled thoughts to me, I really need to work on it, but here's what I have so far:

Disequilibrium

You tore me to pieces
Then smooth out the creases
You shouldn't have left me alive

You revel in sickness
With no one to witness
You shouldn't have left me alive

You're out of excuses
Your reasons are useless
Nowhere to retreat to;
It's come back to eat you

You thought you could hide
From the monster inside
Well, it looks like you're dying
And no one is crying

So why are you laughing
When everything's crashing
You shouldn't have left me alive

And believe it or not,
Now I leave you to rot--
You shouldn't have left me alive.

______________________________________

Any suggestions would be helpful.

Thanks,

~Monica
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Ines
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One of many

Posts: 652
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Gender: female
Re: Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Reply #1 - Mar 7th, 2006 at 6:45pm
 
Monica,

Your ability to convey your feelings this well is very impressive...  I have no suggestions.  I like what you have so far...  Let your creative soul do the work...  Once this piece is finished it will be even more impressive.

I am in awe to say the least.
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It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But, it is never gone.&&~Rose Fitzgerald Kennedy~
 
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Chantell
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Posts: 524
Missouri
Gender: female
Re: Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Reply #2 - Mar 13th, 2006 at 1:26pm
 
Very good. I like it tho it's sad.
How have you been lately anyway? Haven't talked to you in ages, I'm back online now, so IM me or email whenever.
Love,
Chantell
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He is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.
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