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Tinygirlchild... (Read 2881 times)
Kaye
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Tinygirlchild...
Feb 29th, 2004 at 7:57am
 
Dear Ticia,

I wanted to post after reading your heartbreaking fairy-tale.  I have experienced something similar so I guess this is kinship rather than comfort.  I was very promiscuous, using & abusing men (or so I thought) but fell hard at the age of 23 for a younger man.  We went out for 3 years (lived together 2) & in the 3rd year my boyfriend started hanging around a rodeo queen.  She wasn't beautiful (he called her ugly) but very confident & flirty.  We had the perfect relationship in my eyes & all who were around us.  One day he suddenly said he wanted a break.  I left my perfect job to give my perfect man some space.  He kept in touch, saying he was missing me & loved me still.  My old boss ended up telling me that he was with this other girl.  It hurt so much because we had made the promise to be honest with each other & I also cross-questioned him about her both before & after we split.  I went to Canada straight after that.  I held out hope for ages because she wasn't the type of girl anyone thought he would marry, but he did. 

I met Brett 3 years later & lucked out...falling in love & getting married.  I still can't believe that Brett could love me when I hardly feel like making love anymore.  It is such a common thing to hear the fellows standing around talking about women like a piece of meat, including the married ones.  Thankfully Brett never participates.

Ticia, I hope you end up with the fairytale without the heartache.  You most certainly deserve it.

Love you lots, Kaye.  xxxooo
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tinygirlchild
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Re: Tinygirlchild...
Reply #1 - Feb 29th, 2004 at 4:51pm
 
thank you kaye, for your words of support.  i know by what you wrote that you can relate to how difficult something like that is to live through.  how fortunate you are to have brett in your life, not to mention your beautiful children!  i am very thankful for my sons.

i guess all the memories were triggered recently by this new relationship (new?  1 yr old yesterday).  it is still going very, very slowly, and that is difficult for me.

sometimes i want to just walk away.  i often feel like i am meant to be alone . . . that i'll never be allowed to relax completely into a love.

i haven't walked away yet, but it is very, very hard to stay in the moment and be patient.  only time will tell.  i have a strong tolerance and a deep patience, forged over many, many years, but, i, too, have limits.  a little hope would go a long way, but i've received no definitive indicators i should have any -- nor have i received any that i shouldn't -- very enigmatic.  he once said i need a challenge . . . not this much of one, babe.

sorry.  feeling more cynical than usual today. Undecided

again, thanks for your understanding.

all my love,

ticia
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Work like you don't need the money. &&Love like you've never been hurt. &&Dance like nobody's watching. &&Sing like nobody's listening. &&Live like it's Heaven on Earth. &&&&Anonymous&&
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Yolande
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Re: Tinygirlchild...
Reply #2 - Mar 1st, 2004 at 6:05pm
 
Dear Ticia,

Teary hug from me, too.  You are so special and deserve the best.

Jill
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YolandeJ
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tinygirlchild
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Re: Tinygirlchild...
Reply #3 - Mar 1st, 2004 at 10:03pm
 
thanks, sweetie,  i think 'the dave' and i must have a little conversation . . . i'm praying for the right wording, as i tend to be a bit too direct . . .

love ya!

ticia
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Work like you don't need the money. &&Love like you've never been hurt. &&Dance like nobody's watching. &&Sing like nobody's listening. &&Live like it's Heaven on Earth. &&&&Anonymous&&
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Kaye
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Re: Tinygirlchild...
Reply #4 - Mar 1st, 2004 at 10:22pm
 
Dear Ticia,

Sorry I haven't been on much.  Too much in my head at the moment.  I am missing the board but trying to alott the spare time to my son. 

I can totally understand your cynicism.  The books are all great in theory but often too structured when you've been stuffed around all your life.  I have a book called Passionate Marriage but I don't feel that I can put it all into practice until I work through what is preventing me from the passion & until the little girl is validated so that I don't act like a little girl with huge demands in a crisis. 

I think you've been with Dave long enough now to lay a few more things on the line.  It sounds like he is maintaining a little too much of the Mars factor in his life.

I doubt that you are meant to be single but I do believe that you are meant to be able to find someone you can totally relax with.

Love you, Kaye. xxx
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Re: Tinygirlchild...
Reply #5 - Mar 1st, 2004 at 10:35pm
 
thanks, kaye, you nailed that one one the head!  yes, i think it's more than time.  i need a good reason for continued patience, and only he can give it or not.

he's home tonight (lives 3 doors down) -- early, which is rare.  let's see what the night brings . . .

ticia
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Work like you don't need the money. &&Love like you've never been hurt. &&Dance like nobody's watching. &&Sing like nobody's listening. &&Live like it's Heaven on Earth. &&&&Anonymous&&
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