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And now part 4 of pain..... (Read 3555 times)
malesurvivor
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And now part 4 of pain.....
Feb 13th, 2004 at 1:12am
 
My d@d would get me to go to alabama by promising fishing, boating, etc. I would go, thinking "maybe THIS time itll be different....." but it never was. One time, he took me to his houseboat. at first i was glad, but when we got there, I saw it was up on shore on this greasy little backwater of the tennesee river, so there would be no BOATING only more PAIN. This time,
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Sitting, silently, thinking and screaming for freedom from this constant insanity, the endless solitary confinement.&&Yet I walk alone, and survive. &&Always alone, and always surviving.
 
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Yolande
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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #1 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 1:29am
 
Oh golly, Matt, it is even harder to read what you have been through now we have got to care for you.  What a rotten man.  Makes me feel sick, angry, protective, etc. all at once.  The thing that BUGS me as well, is that you still had the faith and trust in him, that maybe this time he would be a normal father.  How cruel to have your trust broken over and over again.  Why didn't he just let you be a little boy, and have a normal childhood.  You are so much a way better man than him.  He didn't deserve a nice little son.  Wish I could have adopted you (only I am only 10 years older). 

I am so glad you are letting all this out, and that it is making you feel better.  Great that you are learning to cry, too - so healthy.  That is something I have struggled with, too.  When I finally cry, the whole roof falls in!!!  Have to go down the paddock so the children can't hear me!  HOWLING to the moon.  When I still lived at my parents' home, sometimes one of our cattle dogs would come with me, so I would be laying in the cultivation, crying into the clods of dirt (with plenty of good reason!), or staring up at the moon while I cried, the dog would whine and nuzzle my arm, like, "Hey, it's okay, I'm here you know"!!!  Anyway, life is better now, thank goodness.  It is so healthy to cry it all out, like a flushing of all the pain. 

Regards,

Jill
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YolandeJ
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kjoy
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kentucky
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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #2 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 2:32am
 
Jill said it all Matt. I really wish that I knew your little boy and was able to show him that love didn't have to hurt. I am glad you are opening up so much and sharing so much with us. Remember I am always here to listen. 

                       Take care of yourself first and always,

                                                                Kathy
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KrafTcat59@aol.com  
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tinygirlchild
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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #3 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 8:03am
 
and i am here, too, matt, smiling softly and letting the tears fall with yours.

ticia
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Work like you don't need the money. &&Love like you've never been hurt. &&Dance like nobody's watching. &&Sing like nobody's listening. &&Live like it's Heaven on Earth. &&&&Anonymous&&
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Cheryl
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Buckle up and Hang on!

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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #4 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 9:41am
 
Matt,

I'm here too.  Thinking of you always.

~ Cheryl
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lily
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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #5 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 12:05pm
 
mine too Matt,  only it was mushroom hunting, fishing and camping in Texas.  I know how much it hurt.  I'm here for you.

Lily
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&&
 
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Rissa
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Missouri
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Re: And now part 4 of pain.....
Reply #6 - Feb 13th, 2004 at 5:36pm
 
HI malesurvivor,

I commend you for being able to tell you so many details of your story.  My father tried to have anal sex with me so i wouldnt get pregnant, but I had the same result as you did. 
I just read all four parts of your story.  It really hurts me to read what you have gone through.  I hope that you are now dealing with it in a positive way.

Im here for you, whenever you need me to.
Smiley Smiley Smiley Smiley
Rissa
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GOD WILL HELP ME THROUGH THIS!
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