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pain part 2 (Read 2882 times)
malesurvivor
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Grizzlies Rule.

Posts: 467
chicagoland, IL., usa
Gender: male
pain part 2
Feb 6th, 2004 at 8:29pm
 
i cant even look at a yellow toohbrush cause i was naked and he was big.Later lisa was there too. HE would tell phillip when to get me to come over and one time when phillip said he would "see me tomorrow" I had a bat and i HIT him and was aiming for his damm head but todd grabbed my arm and i was going to try for his Head again but sister was there and grabbed my arm. as going to hit sis to but cannot kill the family so battery is found in me. Before that day, HE "only put the TIP in" like that was ok cause he didnt f*ck me ALL the way only a little(i was little and alone. i wanted it cause it was luv) and i would put him in my mouth i would ASK to do that so he would be happy. and oh shit it HURTSHURTSHURTS but i did it cause it didnt hurt then and i knew what to do.i would lay still for him and do phillip for him and i didnt even know who he was except he wanted me when no one else did. HE would shower with me after and later when my d@d wanted to shower with me i knew what to do, back and forth, back and forth never tell no never tell cause he likes me and will hate me if i told he said so.m0m would never be around when i was doing !THAT! with HIM and phillip cause she was f*cking my UNCLE and i never will know who my father is. they did paternity test when i was 10 but it was too close to tell. She hung me out to dry so she could DO IT with my uncle when she couldnt get me but phillip blecker got me by the school and HE got me inside the brown house on the corner of Ridge and Idelwild and i was small and somtimes i bled. put toilet paper back there so no one knows."hey sissy is that your tampon?"but he liked me when no one else did and i knew what to do. and it HURTHURTHURTS again and again and i dream of it at night when im only 7 8 9 and i cry.I am alone then and no-one knows. too much pain now i will go and be alone to cry so no one knows i am small. Cry Cry
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Sitting, silently, thinking and screaming for freedom from this constant insanity, the endless solitary confinement.&&Yet I walk alone, and survive. &&Always alone, and always surviving.
 
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tinygirlchild
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I Corinthians 13

Posts: 457
florida
Gender: female
Re: pain part 2
Reply #1 - Feb 7th, 2004 at 8:29am
 
Smileymalesurvivor Smiley  (no hugs until they feel safe - just lots of support)

your courage is immeasurable.

your rage and pain are justified.

my tears flow for you, literally. Cry

i have no words.

ticia
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Work like you don't need the money. &&Love like you've never been hurt. &&Dance like nobody's watching. &&Sing like nobody's listening. &&Live like it's Heaven on Earth. &&&&Anonymous&&
stardancer383  
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kjoy
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Do only that which honors
the soul.

Posts: 458
kentucky
Gender: female
Re: pain part 2
Reply #2 - Feb 8th, 2004 at 11:45am
 
Matt, I am so sorry for the pain you had to endure. I wish I could take it away but I can't. But I can promise you that I am here to listen and to empathize while you are working through it. If you ever want to email me, my addy is kjoyinri@hotmail.com. I will listen and I will not judge. I understand all to well the things the child will do in order to feel that someone loves them. Just remember, it is not your fault and you are not alone.. Take care always, remember, I am here for you................. Kathy
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KrafTcat59@aol.com  
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lily
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please be patient with
me...God isn't finished
yet

Posts: 682
MI
Gender: female
Re: pain part 2
Reply #3 - Feb 9th, 2004 at 3:21am
 
Matt,


I am just so sad for you. Cry  And angry. Angry  I can't believe what horrors you endured! When and if you can ever handle hugs i just have so many for you.  you are so brave.  and so strong.  Don't EVER let anyone tell you differently.  And don't ever tell me you are not strong or brave again.  You ARE way stronger and braver than i could ever be.  I am here for you and with you.  Email me anytime. 

Braving the darkness with you,

lily
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&&
 
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Cheryl
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Buckle up and Hang on!

Posts: 463
Massachusetts
Gender: female
Re: pain part 2
Reply #4 - Feb 9th, 2004 at 11:09am
 
Matt,

I'm sorry you had to go through all that.  I'm sorry we all had to go through such horribleness.

Keep growing stronger.

~ Cheryl
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Kaye
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Re: pain part 2
Reply #5 - Feb 19th, 2004 at 9:19am
 
Matt,

I'm back on the board & I'm bawling my eyes out for you.  How dare anyone do all those things to my brother.  I just keep reading because I so badly want to know what you went through so that I can be a better support in your life.  They make me want to vomit.

Kaye.
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