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Is this incest? (Read 2555 times)
Marie
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Toronto, ON
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Is this incest?
Dec 30th, 2003 at 11:56am
 
I erased the previous emotional incest version in favour of this one. 

My father disappeared from my life when I was 2 1/2.  Always an imposing figure. I never really lived with him after that.

It was only when we were to be adopted by my step father that he stepped back into the picture.  The adoption never took place.

This incident at the lake was always there, I'd never blocked it away.  I was 13 and he was 40.  For years I knew about the incident.  but, I minimized it.  I just couldn't believe that he would do something like that intentionally.  He gathered me to himself and pressed me to his chest.  I felt fear and I felt entrapped.  The only way I got away after that was to lean back.  My hair was full of shampoo.  That was the only touching incident.  Over the years, it would float to the surface, I would dismiss it, minimize it.  That night by the way, I slept beside him, in the truck.   

What I suffered was by no means the same suffering as alot of people I've heard suffer.  I'm often wondering if indeed this was incest at all.  A friend told me, that no matter how you are murdered, whether by poison, stabbing or whatever, it's still murder.  Most people saw that the relationship with my father was "not normal", I couldn't see this. 

It all came out last year.  I began having body memories(waves of neausea, and a desire to cut myself).  We'd had a blow out, over my not being able to make a visit, because my partner was sick.  He flew into a rage.  I stood up to him finally, tore a piece off of him.  Haven't spoken to him for a year.  I have recently learned that he's always had a prediliction for young girls.  He's very charamatic, and usually blames the girl.  He veares so close to the line that nothing ever happens to him.  His 3rd wife left him, because he did something to her niece. Nothing was done.  I've spent the last year in therapy trying to come to terms with what he did to me,  I was so stupid, I didn't know.  But, I have had confirmation from outside sources, that this was something real.

I know my story is not as horrendous as some, but it's still the violation of trust that ruined my life.  I came to believe myself worthless, nothing but a play toy, I was permiscious from the age 13, (tears) I slept with more than 50 men before I was 23.  All practically one night stands.  To this day I don't trust men, as my step father also tried to come on the me, after my mother's suicide attempt, the same year.  My dad's wife was pregnant and not available to him, my mother was not there for my step father, both came after me, I just gave up and gave in.  I stuggle most with despair, and fear.  So, though technically, I was not penetrated is this incest.  I believe so.  What do you all think??
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regards &&&&Marie
 
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warrior_redbird
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Re: Is this incest?
Reply #1 - Dec 31st, 2003 at 12:57am
 
  Marie,
   I believe anything that involves touching, if only touching and makes you feel uncomfortable in any way is incest. I agree there are different levels of incest some more extreme and all but trauma is trauma and what you experienced was trauma, all the same. And these feeling are festering deep within you and need to be dealt with so you can go on and live a healthy productive life and find healing.....
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kjoy
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Re: Is this incest?
Reply #2 - Dec 31st, 2003 at 4:53pm
 
It is not a rape of your body that defines incest, but a rape of your innocence. Any one who is in a position of power and control over you and uses that power to take away your innocence is guilty of incest whether penetration occurs or not!. For years I tried to excuse my dad's, and other men's actions as "they only touched me" but the touch was done in a way that violated my trust and innocence and is no less damaging to my soul. That is at least what I believe incest to be... Please don't minimize your experience, accept it for what it is and work through it, only than can true healing begin.. All of us here understand what you are going through and are with you.. Take care of yourself always... Kathy
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