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Lisa
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Sep 30th, 2003 at 9:57am
 
I'm 33 years old and have just begun trying to deal with the abuse from my childhood.  My step-father began touching me when I was very young and it escalated for years.   The earliest memory I have seems like I was about 4 or 5.  I cannot remember most of my childhood.  Finally when I was 14, I movd to another state with my father and that ended it.  I have never wanted to tell anyone about this because now it seems so stupid to have put up with this all of those years.  I remember being paralysed by fear, unable to fight him off.  I can understand the story called "hypersensitive"  because I cannot stand the smell of the gold dial soap.  He used it and the smell of it will almost make me physically sick.  I have much more to say, but that's enough of an introduction for now.  I'm so glad to have found this place and will visit again soon.
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Cheryl
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Buckle up and Hang on!

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Re: new here
Reply #1 - Sep 30th, 2003 at 2:40pm
 
Lisa,

Welcome to Bearing Through It board.  I hope you find this place a place of comfort and security for you during your healing process. 

Nothing that happened to you is stupid enough to finally confront....You are making steps towards a journey in healing and I congratulate you on this.  This is a very hard and long journey.  It's going to bring up a lot of crap you don't want to remember, a lot of hurt and pain, a lot of depression.  Remember though that you are no longer alone and you no longer have to carry the load alone anymore.

A little bit about myself. 

I am a 33 year old survivor of childhood incest.  My abuse started for me when I was approximately 11 years of age. 

My abuser was an older cousin that lived with my family (myself, mother and younger brother). 

This cousin of mine I loved dearly and looked up to as an older brother, my protector.  Well he abused that.

He took away all my trust, love and respect for him, but most importantly for myself. 

I started drinking when I was 12, he supplied the alcohol.  I guess it made it easier for him and I could drink my way through it all, trying to escape. 

My abuse stopped when I was 15 and he moved far away.  However I found myself in more chaos shortly after.  I have gone through relationships that were abusive physically, mentally and sexually and have had to deal with a peeping tom/stalker that also lasted a few years.

About a year ago I couldn't take any more.  I found this website, and it was the beginning of my healing.  Shortly thereafter I started therapy and shortly after that A.A.  I am finally dealing with everything and have been sober for 8 months.

Hang in there!

Love and safe hugs to you.

Cheryl
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ginabella
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Trying to love myself!

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Re: new here
Reply #2 - Sep 30th, 2003 at 3:40pm
 
Smiley Hello Lisa
I'm pretty new here too and I just wanna say that everyone I've had contact with so far, has been WONDERFUL!!!!!!!  I can understand how you feel about finally dealing with it.  I was sexually abused by my older half-brother and since I buried it (along my inner child) i figured that ment I was over it.  But not so.  I'm only 24 but somedays I feel like I'm carrying the burdens of an 80 year old!
No, you are not stupid.  It's great that you found this sight and I hope you will feel as comfortable, supported and loved as I feel when I'm here.
Good luck and happy healing  Grin
-ginabella
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With the time, comes the answer;&&With the knowledge comes the end.&&With the conclusion comes the sanity;&&Just a little bit too late.
 
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warrior_redbird
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the warrior is a child..

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Re: new here
Reply #3 - Sep 30th, 2003 at 5:43pm
 
  hello lisa;
   
     i am the writer of the "hypersensitive " story and I completely inderstand as i'm dealing with my own aversion to Ivory soap. It'' s hard isn't it? Sometimes it catches me aso much by surprise that it does actually make me physically ill. My response is to get diarrhea badly and i seem to have no control over it. It lasts till it's done, but that scent spirals me downward. If you ever need to talk you can post here or email me for a more private chat. I'll be glad to listen and offer encouragement if i can. I do understand and I'm glad you were here and i hope you come back. You are safe here...
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