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It began in innocence and it ended in freedom (Read 1332 times)
Ty
Protector Bear
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Posts: 847
Eastern Oregon
Gender: female
It began in innocence and it ended in freedom
Mar 18th, 2003 at 9:31pm
 
My story began in innocence and flowed into a storm of the unknown. Fear and pain became the feeling which quickly turned to numbness and a process of burrying who I was. I became what others wanted me to be.

Years past. A decade past. Almost two decades went by before I realized there was a dying person inside of me.

I began a search. Several times I found refuge, but nothing grabbed me out of the death I had found myself in.

I gave up searching.

I began searching again. Again I found myself in refuge, I thought. I became a ball, bouncing from one person to another...people who I thought were there to help, but in the end they just gave me reason to give up on any hope of a ressurection.

I was pushed to keep going. Someone kept telling me to keep going on and that I would find my life in the end.

I kept going...struggling and dragging each little pace.

I finally found someone. She reached deep inside to my left for dead child and began to pull her out. She helped me see that she wasn't dead but desiring to live...if I was willing to let her and help her. I was anxious to take on the task and do what I could to achieve that goal.

Heavy steps, sometimes not knowing quite where I was going, I kept trudging on. Some moments seemed that they would never pass and I wanted desparately to give up...give in. I kept trudging.

I began finding myself in a pattern of placing myself at the feet of others for their pleasure...this is what I had known. I began to realize that this was not right...that I deserved to live and live safely and happily and that the things I was experiencing were not making me feel safe or happy.

I wrote on my mirror, so everyone could see..."I am taking my life back. I deserve to be safely loved."

I felt myself being lifted...my journey easing.

I got lost in the journey and found myself being more of the journey than myself...I stepped back to take a look.

After a glance I thought "I think I need more help" so I began another search. I found someone, then I found someone else, then I found that who I really needed was me! I quit seeking other people and started listening to my heart.

I found myself growing stronger, ready to take on the world. I wanted everyone to know what I had found.

Then I found myself in a different situation that took the wind out of my soul. I struggled, not knowing which way was up. I sought the refuge of a friend who had helped me in the past. I was told that I had made it this far and that I could, indeed, make it still...through this.

I found out that I was blessed with a special gift from within...this gave me incentive to strive on.

As my special gift grew I found myself growing too. I found myself coming to know more about me and those around me than I ever dreamed fathomable.

As I grew I could see that there was a road block that I had not come to see before. I looked at that road block and knew that I could not overlook it any longer...I was ready to take it on.

As I reached deep within my soul I found that place that had not been touched...that place I had meant to leave alone. As I took out that part of myself I released it...with no cares as to where it went or how it went...just that it went. I found myself floating....floating free.


Journeying,

Ty
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