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Bearing Through It >> General Conversation >> Have some questions....

Message started by Stephanie C. on May 13th, 2010 at 10:40am

Title: Have some questions....
Post by Stephanie C. on May 13th, 2010 at 10:40am
Hi, I am new here to this forum. I am an almost 8 year Rape Survivor and last night I found out that my 15 year old cousin has been being abused and raped by her stepfather over the past several years.

We have taken the right steps in contacting police, he has a warrant out for his arrest and from a legal standpoint, things are going the best that they can. As everyone who has been a victim or who knows a victim understands, this is not the only issue though. From an emotional standpoint, I am doing what I can and offering everything I can to her and the family.

I was hoping that someone here may know of a good book for her parents to help them to understand where she is coming from and what will help her the most at this point.

I told them, crappity smack him (the abuser), at this point, he will be going to jail. Now is the time to focus on her, not him and do everything we can as her family to help her move forward in recovering and coping.

I was really just hoping that someone knows a good book for this particular abuse that could be helpful to the whole family. Other than myself, no one in our family even knows anyone who has suffered a huge trauma like this, so handling this is new to everyone and I am being the go-to person, which is wonderful but I want to be able to offer more....

Please help!

Thank you!


Title: Re: Have some questions....
Post by Mandi on Jun 10th, 2010 at 8:12am
Welcome Stephanie!  We are kind of quiet right now.  We used to be quite chatty for years.   It's a great supportive site and I have a lot of good friends here.  That's horrible about your niece.  She is lucky to have you in her life ~ somebody that really understands.  I'm glad the focus is on her for now.  The first book I ever read about sexual abuse was "The Courage To Heal" by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis.  It helped me understand why I felt certain ways and I didn't feel so alone.  There is a book that is written by the same women called, "Allies in Healing".  This book is for people who are there to help the survivor.  It helps the support team understand what the survivor is going through.  Another really good book about incest survivors is, "Secret Survivors" by E. Sue Blume.  I felt like she was writing about my life.  I felt so understood.  Those are the only books that I have really read.  I hope that helps.  ♥

Title: Re: Have some questions....
Post by Ty on Jul 13th, 2010 at 1:00pm
Hi Stephanie!

My heart goes out to you in the difficult and dark time. There truly are no words to express the sadness. I am thankful that your cousin has you to help her in this process. I am glad that things have been going in the right direction, and that she is going to get help....and that he is where he should be...put away.
I think Mandi had good suggestions as far as books. It is hard to say what would really help your cousin, as she is 15. I started dealing with my issues later on (20s), and before that....when I tried to deal with them in my was with counselors (however, I don't think I ever got to the nitty gritty until it consumed me life). I would suggest encouraging the family to find a good who is recommended, and one that the family feels safe with (most importantly your cousin). There are many therapists who work with children on a regular basis (sad....but true), and I am sure that the therapist she connects with would have good recommendations for her.

Again....I am so glad that she has you. The one 'good' thing that can come from the evil we experienced in our past is the fact that we can reach out and support others who have been through the same. Keep strong, and know that that we are here for you (even if it is quiet at times).

I hope that you recieve this message....I feel badly that I just now saw it. Keep us posted on how you are and how things are going, if you would like.

Safe Journeying,
Terra (Ty)

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