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Bearing Through It >> Share Your Story >> I found the address.

Message started by revenna on Dec 12th, 2008 at 11:52am

Title: I found the address.
Post by revenna on Dec 12th, 2008 at 11:52am
Hello, everyone!

First of all, I wanted to say how happy I am to see the boards being used.  I'm sorry I haven't been around as much, and when I am, there doesn't seem to be anything interesting to say.  Ty has encouraged me to write my "everyday stuff", so I'll try to do a better job of just sharing where I'm at from time to time.

Today I wanted to share something that happened a few weeks ago.  I finally found an address for one of the other girls that was molested at the same time I was molested.  Our fathers belonged to a pedophile group.  Polly (not her real name) was 2-3 years older than me and our fathers met during WWII.  They were in the same army unit.  After the war, these two men joined a pedophile group in our area.  I don't know how many men were involved.  At least 8, maybe more.  I've remembered the names of some of the men.

Anyway, I had been trying to find Polly's married name and address for at least 2-3 years.  One day I finally stumbled onto her father's obituary.  I had looked several times before, but I think this particular newspaper just finally got around to putting their archives onto the internet.

It made me feel good to find Polly's address.  I don't know if I'm going to contact her.  For one thing, I don't what her mental state is.  Did she repress everything like I did?  If so, has she retrieved any of these memories, and would she be open to hearing from someone from the past.  I guess the only way I'll know is to actually write her a letter.  The other thing is -- I don't know what my reaction would be if I did contact her.  My health has been really precarious these past two years and I'm not sure I'm willing to risk falling apart, both physically and emotionally.

Do any of you have any insights or words of wisdom for this situation?  Please let me hear from you.  (Thank you.)

Thanks for reading this.  I'm headed back to bed.  Either my cold or the cold medicine I'm taking has taken over most of my brain power!


Title: Re: I found the address.
Post by Ty on Dec 12th, 2008 at 6:50pm
Wow Rev...

So many overwhelming feelings must be attached with this situation. Just the fact that you have been searching/watching to see if you could locate this girl. You both had an unfortunate common thread, and perhaps you contacting her would help the both of you? Why is it that you have been thinking of her? Are you feeling prompted to find her (internally?)? I admire you for wanting to find her.

I have a friend that was involved with one of the situations (my first situation). I don't think that he feels the same way I do about it, at least he never has acted like it. I have wanted to see him for quite some see how he is doing. Last time I saw him had to have been 16 years ago. I only brought the situation up with him once, and it was a good 10 years after the incident. He brushed it aside, and I never really knew if he just didn't want to think about it...or if it truly didn't bother him as it had me. One of the reasons that I mentioned it to him was because I often thought 'maybe I made this up and it didn't really happen', so in talking with him it validated the fact that it did happen...and it happened as I remember it happening. I still wish I could talk to see if he has had as hard of a time as I have, if he has been able to go through life without thinking about it.

Your situation is much different than my own, but perhaps some of your reasons for looking for this girl are similar to mine? I personally don't see why you shouldn't write to her. Perhaps you can write to her to let her know that you would like to contact her about your shared past, but you want to make sure that she is comfortable with that. The hard part is that you would be putting the ball in her court. I have difficulties with I often feel out of control in waiting...not knowing if I'll ever hear back or not...

This is a difficult thing, and at the same time could bring some very rewarding results for both of you.

I hope that this message finds you well...and that your health situation eases some for you.

Take care of you...and keep me posted!


Title: Re: I found the address.
Post by ciaro on Dec 27th, 2008 at 11:39am
It is amazing you've found a contact from your past.  I can only imagine the mixed feelings this must have evoked for you.  There seems to be something in you seeking something.  Do you know what it is and why you might want contact?  I think, that yes, you need to consider the impact of contacting this person may have on her. Mostly, be mindful of yourself and the feelings this may evoke in you.  Only you can decide what the next step is Revenna.  
Please feel free to lean on us here as you mull this over, if it would help. Whatever you decide, I hope the next step continues to bring you healing and peace


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