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Bearing Through It >> Dream Space >> in his room (MT)
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Message started by lostsoul on May 1st, 2006 at 2:05am

Title: in his room (MT)
Post by lostsoul on May 1st, 2006 at 2:05am
I have had this dream numerous times but all the times it is me watching it, as if I am an outside entity watching a movie or something. I know it is replaying things that happened but once I entered his room I mentally removed myself. THis time (it's only the second time this has happened) I was there - I was the person. It was no longer a movie to me.

The door shut behind me and it was as if a force was pushing me towards him.  We had our regular routine. I would go into his room, he would be sitting in his chair.  I'd climb on his lap like I was told - the touching and talking would begin and eventually to the bed we would go. THis time I went into the room, the door shut but I dug my heals in. I didn't want to make that walk to his recliner. I didn't want to go there. I knew what was going to happen and instead of always doing as told I wanted to fade into the walls but there was some force pushing me towards him. I couldn't fight it.

Typically my dream takes me through all the various things we would do each time I went into his room - like I said we had our routines and typically when I have this dream I am watching it occur - I am not that little girl, I feel nothing but sadness for her. This time I was her, that frightened little girl; this time I wanted to put up a fight of some sort but something, some bigger force was pushing me towards him as he sat there with his grin on his face. The first time I had this dream I had the fear. All I could feel was the fear of being in the room with him. This time I didn't feel the fear as much but just didn't want to be there.  It hurt to know what was about to happen and that I had no control over it, that no matter what, no matter how hard I wanted to fight it it was going to happen.

This is only the second time I had had the dream wehre I have personally been there - that little girl. Haven't sleep much lately and now after this dream don't want to sleep much anymore.

kate

Title: Re: in his room (MT)
Post by Gabrielle on May 1st, 2006 at 9:11am
*sits quietly with you*
how frightening to be back in the body of your young self. i'm sorry you had to deal so much with the terror.
gosh i don't seem to be saying anything helpful here....
regardless...i wanted you to know you've been heard and i'm here to support you in any way that i can.

~gab~

Title: Re: in his room (MT)
Post by liljj on May 2nd, 2006 at 5:33pm
:-/that's awful
scary

i'm sorry Kate
Big liljj

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