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Bearing Through It >> Poetry >> Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
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Message started by Monica on Mar 7th, 2006 at 6:39pm

Title: Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Post by Monica on Mar 7th, 2006 at 6:39pm
This sounds like a bunch of jumbled thoughts to me, I really need to work on it, but here's what I have so far:

Disequilibrium

You tore me to pieces
Then smooth out the creases
You shouldn't have left me alive

You revel in sickness
With no one to witness
You shouldn't have left me alive

You're out of excuses
Your reasons are useless
Nowhere to retreat to;
It's come back to eat you

You thought you could hide
From the monster inside
Well, it looks like you're dying
And no one is crying

So why are you laughing
When everything's crashing
You shouldn't have left me alive

And believe it or not,
Now I leave you to rot--
You shouldn't have left me alive.

______________________________________

Any suggestions would be helpful.

Thanks,

~Monica

Title: Re: Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Post by Ines on Mar 7th, 2006 at 6:45pm
Monica,

Your ability to convey your feelings this well is very impressive...  I have no suggestions.  I like what you have so far...  Let your creative soul do the work...  Once this piece is finished it will be even more impressive.

I am in awe to say the least.

Title: Re: Disequilibrium (a work in progress...)
Post by Chantell on Mar 13th, 2006 at 1:26pm
Very good. I like it tho it's sad.
How have you been lately anyway? Haven't talked to you in ages, I'm back online now, so IM me or email whenever.
Love,
Chantell

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